17.9.01 :::

Hey internet world! This is new to me so don't worry; it'll get better. Right now this site has nothing inperticular that it is about but I will so have a plan! Maybe it'll be all about my crazy thoughts...I might confuse all of my readers though...maybe not. Well I have college things to do now so I might get back to this at a later time today or just tomorrow. Until then---

ah, my first blog... ever. in fact this was my first real experience with putting something of mine onto the internet. a whole three years. and what have i said? really... WHAT HAVE I SAID!? i've entertained myself and a few friends with my ideas of life and what i've been up to since i've been in college. girls, religion, politics... MUSIC. i'm sure i've hit them all. i still do. i can't believe that it's been that long since i've been in college, and that i still sometimes feel that i'm not going anywhere but in a circle. through even the many things that i've experienced, observed, or otherwise, i'm still lost.

i got this fortune from a fortune cookie at dinner and it tells me: "your present plans are going to succeed." what are they? i'm sitting here listening to J.E.W. and looking at the many other fortunes that i've placed onto my cpu monitor. the funny thing is about all nine of them is that i've not 'just kept the good ones,' i kept them if they weren't a repeat. I've found them all to be similar, and i am also firm believer that God can use anything to show you something... even fortune cookies. the most recent one that i've gotten before tonight reads: "in silence man can most readily preserve his integrity." tell me that's not good, and that it dosn't speak directly to me. anyway, i'm just saying i have no idea what my successes have been, where they will take me, nor if they will continue to seem eluded. i just know that "[i] will make a fortune with [my] friend." well, to three years. cheers. "it's been emotional." until then---

Blogger News
Happy Birthday Blogger
Five years ago today, Blogger was launched. W00t! To celebrate, we went out for lunch.

that (above) is for real. really. freaking sweet. and because i saw that, i started thinking about the age of this very site, and decided to take a look back to the first few entries...my gosh. good stuff: funny, sad, brilliant, etc. i've decided that once this blog becomes 3 years old, i will celebrate by adding in little bits of the first year. i almost thought to put 'season' instead of 'year.' anyway, i'm sure that'll be fun. until then---

life as i know it right now is pretty crazy. things aren't bad, things aren't great. maybe i'll stick with things being good. i'm trying to read through this book The Pursuit of Man by A.W. Tozer: great book so far. i think that anyone that considers themselves a Christian should read it. it's actually easier to follow, thus far, compared to the only other book of his that i've gazed my eyes upon, The Knowledge of the Holy, which was way, way intense. Tozer is defintely solid even for those of you that aren't Christian, hate religion, or whatever, but it's pretty thick. like Nietzche thick.

i start school next week, still have no drummer for Kindred Fall, am far too slowly getting artists for Breakfast Epiphanies, working quite a bit too early in the morning (but it's good money and not bad work), the fam is in town (good to see them), my roomie is moving out and i have to find a new one, tring to stay organized with Refuge, staying in touch with my lovely old friends, wanting to pursue one of them...maybe, girls still suck, rollerskating rules, breaking my writing drought, trying to feel more grounded in life and being more grounded in my faith... well, i guess life is still good. until then---

just so you know, and in case you didn't know, the link that i have up for THe NotebOOk is to a place where i'm putting up my music. basically it's my notebook of material that i write up. some of it will not be turned into song, but the ones that do, and other songs that i feel like recording, will be able to be downloaded on there as well. for those that asked for me to tell you when new stuff goes up...suck it up and check it! and please tell me what you think about them on the tag board. that'd be sweet. until then---

would i be out of line
if i said
i miss you?

-i miss you, incubus

until then---

these are my thoughts....though they are Billy Corgan's as well...

hummer

Faith lies in
The ways of sin
I chased the charmed
But I don't want them anymore

And in their eyes I was alive
A fool's disguise
Take me away from you

Shame my tongue
Fat with promise all along
But when I woke up from that sleep
I was happier than I'd ever been

When you decide
That your life is a prize
Renew and revive
It's alright honey
It's alright, yeah

Happiness will make you wonder
Will I feel OK?
It scares the disenchanted
Far away

Yeah I want something new
But what am I supposed to do about you
Yeah I love you, it's true

Life's a bummer
When you're a hummer
Life's a drag

Ask yourself a question
Anyone but me
I ain't free

Ask yourself a question
Anyone but me
I ain't free

Do you feel
Love is real?

until then---

so i got home from work today and it's annoying coz the one thins that i don't want to do is think about you and i do. it's the same thing everyday...for a while now. but today's a bit different because of some of the things that i was saying/implying last night. basically though, i started to use time right when i got home to read and pray, but i can't focus... i need to do something about my thoughts. so here i am.
i wish that you were someone else. i wish that you were less truthful to me, just lie or tell me half-truths or something. i wish that you didn't trust me. i wish that you never cared. i wish that you were less cute, or not at all. i wish that you were just another girl, but you're not. and that's my problem. for if you were, you would have kicked me out of your life like you should have by now. i would be able to get over the need to heed to your parents wishes. i would be able to get over you like you have to me. i'm finding this situation to be a lesson in patience, or in discernment. i don't know which and that's the problem. if it's discernment alone, i must just leave you on your own right now...coz you're not alone, but i need to be. if it's patience alone, i should never complain about this anymore, and just hope for the future that you have no hope in and/or don't see. if it is both, i'm sorry for you, coz i know that i'll be the cranky, dumb, moody me that you've come to know for the past few months. the me i don't like and you don't deserve. i think that i'm done for the moment and i'll get back to what i need to be doing, but i needed to say something, and i guess that was it. until then---

so now i've come across many ideas in my lifetime...or shall i say philosophies(?)... and this one is definitely good. this being in the scheme of relationships and dreams, etc. i realized not much earlier today that this idea may haev been semi-spawned from a fortune cookie thing that i have on my monitor: "Don't allow yourself to dream away time - be productive." yeah i think that i stole it. but it's in a fortune cookie, so i'm sure that there are millions out there that have seen the same one, so it's for everyone to take. but the way that i see it, my "problems" with the girl thing, and with my music career have to be second to living my life. those will come with time if God really wants it for me. so basically it doesn't mean that i sit around waiting for God to hand thesee things over on a silver platter, nor do i pursue ad pursue different venues of both (coming up short of perfect everytime, of course) tiring myself and becoming frustrated with my future. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11). "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." (Matt. 6:34). i didn't originally want to put these back to back, but, as usual, GOD says it best. being that my life consists of truly living (life as a Christian... it should be on the edge of madness oft-times... faith, man..!), this should be something that i've been doing but i'm human and there is human error and i frequent that possibility. i really need to practice what i find out in my life journey more often. things may make more sense that way. Until then---

ok so i come back to blog and the template for posting has changed again. good times. i think i've been away too long. anyway, summer's here and i've not much to do but pine away the day. i need work but i don't want to do anything but play music. i've really got no other focus in life as far as work goes. it's music or nothing. i swear if it keep up like this, i don't think that i'll be doing much of anything. i feel as though i may be too unwilling to go it alone if i have to. i was thinking about it today: what if i did actually start recording my own stuff myself and begin marketing myself as an acoustic artist. forgetting that i suck as an acoustic guitarist and don't like it nearly as much as playing my electrics i think that it could be possible. i write most of the music for my own stuff anyway and produce the most of it. besides, as far as producing goes, i know lots of people that i trust to give me proper producing advice. anyway, i've recorded this sweet version of "You" by Switchfoot which will have a link RIGHT HERE when i upload it (right click and save as...). i did it in my room like all of my recordings...good times.
so my pining away consists of spending most of my time talking to my good friend, wishing that i could say girlfriend, and wishing that i could even see her at all; praying and reading my bible (less than i'd like to say i do i must admit), looking for my Truth, trying to find out if i'm headed the right direction, if she's in my direction... i'm feeling inspired... i think that i need to find my notebook. until then---

Between a memorium on 91x for the decade passed without Kurt Cobain and an entry on a friendly bloggers blog starting in about entropy, I'm really begining to feel the chaos. It has always been easy to see, but to have specifics pointed out is to have something more. I remember when I first heard the word entropy. It is in a song by noone else than Switchfoot off of their third album, Learning to Breathe, called Living is Simple. I don't remember what I thought of that song then, aside from the thought-provoking lyrics (that i don't know how much i thought about) and being thankful that i knew it for my chem class ("entropy, entropy falling apart") my senior year of high school, but looking back now it's quite the interesting song. I may have to quote it all:

Living is simple
It's gravity
Gravity isn't so hard
Living is simple
It's entropy
Entropy, falling apart
I'm falling apart again

Living is simple
And breathing is easy
It's easy to do
Living is simple
And losing is easy
I'm losing my cool
I'm losing my cool again

All will be made well
Will be made well
Will be made well
Will be well
Is this fiction?
Is this fiction?
Hope has given himself to the worst
Is this fiction or divine comedy?
Where the last of the last finish first
Living is simple

Living is dying
Your mercy, Your mercy
Is how I believe
Living is dying
I can't understand it
I'm down on my knees
Confessing my needs again

I've had my choices
I've chosen today
I've had my choices
The choices remain

I have a quote on my monitor from E. Stanley Jones: "If you don't surrender to Christ, you surrender to chaos." The song and this quote only go hand in hand coz they are comign from Christianity. I'm a firm believer that the only way to live in this chaos is with a firm hold on Christ.
Since i've been listening to Nirvana music and interviews all day (10.30 am- 10.00 pm minus 4 hours for work) on 91x, I've been hearing about the chaos that Kurt felt. It's saddening. They played the reading by Courtney Love of his suicide note, and in it he stated that he loved everyone so much that he couldn't handle it. I think that he found the chaos in everyone, the chaos in and around the system that humans have created could not be solved by a boy that "wasn't half bad at saving the world" (Scott Weiland, Stone Temple Pilots, Shangri La De Da, Too Cool Queenie). The world was not made to last forever... and neither were our bodies or minds. When we leave this existence, we'll see the "divine comedy." Those that were not stuck in the rat race, the entropy, the ways of the world; those that looked to enternity, fought to lose for anothers gain (and therefore their own), journeyed in Truth will find the order in it all. The big picture. Until then---

GOSH!... what freaking station can you freaking hear Coldplay, Bob Marley, Cure, AFI, Jack Johnson, Daft Punk, White Stripes, U2, Foo fighters, and Smashing Pumpkins back to back to back? Freaking 91X!!! Of course it's a San Diego station, it's just too good. Listen, I dare you to like another rock station... Until then---

For some reason this is a good lyric for today:

life is white
and i am black
Jesus and His lawyer are coming back

novacane for the soul
before i sputter out

-Novacane, Eels

Until then---

Dictionary.com defines dating as: To note or fix the time of, as of an event; to give the date of; as, to date the building of the pyramids. or edible fruit of the date palm with a single long woody seed or An engagement for a performance (hehe) or most importantlya meeting arranged in advance and/or an appointment. I can agree with these... I mean when most people think of dating, they think of something much more than "a meeting arranged in advance" when that's what it is. You date to find out more about a person right? Kinda like when you become friends with someone. I thought that I recognized that concept somewhere! I'm a firm believer that we need to bring back the term "going steady" or "my steady" rather than just boyfriend or girlfriend. Example! I have a few good friends that happen to be girls that, going by what we defined as dating, I am dating them all. I find it important to get to know someone that you hang out with... why else would you hang out with them. By asking someone on a date, you're just asking for some time you set aside for them to get to know them better. 'So, by this, you're saying that someone could be dating multitudes of people at one time?' Well... yeah I am. Not that I advocate it entirely, but usually when you dating someone in the courting sense (another term we should bring back), there shouldn't be more than that person in mind really. Maybe that's not right either. I think the issue comes in when people are following the "engagement for performance" definition. People that do a bit more than date... if you know what I mean... ahem... performance. (I'm sure you do, I'm just stupid like that). But that's where a different emotional attachment happens and you're no longer just dating. But that's another blog entirely. So this whole thing is to be a public announcement that I'm finally over wanting to go steady with my good friend/crush. We'll be great friends, as we already are. As it has been eloquently put: "why does it always have to be a 'just' before friends?" Never... friends are important and being friends with your steady and even before you're courting each other is even more imoprtant. As a Christ follower, I want to do as Christ did while he lived. One thing was living and loving with people regardless of who they were. His love was (and still is) deeper than anything that we can imagine or entirely feel. Yet, we are all His friends... good friends. Our relationships should try to model that. We can get to know everyone of our friends, acquaintances, and the like and not be looked upon like weirdos. Dating... such a dumb term. From now on, aside from the terms "steady" and "courting", I'm just going to say 'we're going out to become better friends.' Until then---

Woah!! & Wow!!
Females.... & Jesus' passion...
That's all for now...I'm tired. Until then---

I guess now would be an appropiate time to give my annual Valentines Day update/rant. Other than what I'm sure I've said before (V-day is stupid coz we spend all this money on one day while we should be spending this much time and effort for our 'special someone' everyday of the year instead of designating yet another day for the people at Hallmark to make bank yet again during the year...etc.), there's not much to rant about. I got asked to a date with an ex-girlfriend, who most may know as Faye. I don't mind this, and I find it cool that she asked me. I think that most girls are scared of me, and probably scared of asking a guy out anyway so this was indeed cool. Most of you that know me and Fayes' relationship know that we're pretty good friends so me saying that this is cool isn't like she's still trying to get back with me or something (though in the far corners of my brain, I know that I fear/feel that still...).
The part that kinda sucks for me is that I'm still interested in and trying to get to know the same girl from a while back and I was thinking of asking her out at least before V-day (screw going out on that day on my plans!) but I thought (and still think) that that would be pretty messed up to ditch out on Faye. I know that she knows about her, and she's cool with that part of it, but I know that she doesn't know that I really wanted to find my balls somewhere and finally ask her, being shut down or not. Oh well. there went another chance for that. It's all good though I guess. I know that I will rather enjoy my "date" with one of my best friends....though it'd be cool if it was the other one... ah, mid-February... always the same story...oh, I mean my life story. Until then---

So school has started back up and the madness has just begun. I need to have something prepared for Refuge tonight and i really don't have much if anything. I'm just thinking that we should have a party or something. I needed a week to re-orient myself and I didn't take the opportunity...though i may not have really had one. That's cool though. I'm so stoked that AC is back in town so that now we can play. schedule-wise it's not bad at all...should be quite a bit of practice time. I hope that we gel enough to get up and going pretty quick. Still in search for a guitarist/keyboardist (keys not as important) that can sing...preferably a female, but not being too picky am I? Anyway, I've got to figure out what's up for tonight. Until then---

Hey...uh... I've been busy? I dunno what to really say except that it's been a while. I've been doing serious upkeep on the Breakfast Epiphanies website and even put up a blog for the band to put random stuff on. I'll probably be putting up lyrics and poems and stuff. It's cool..though noone seems to have visited. We have a mailling list now, and a bio page with people on it! Amazing! I definitely say explore the site fully...even though there still is no photos page because (what?!) NO PHOTOS YET! Anyway, i have to get to work. Teaching some kids some basic music stuff. YAY! Until then---

Well... THAT was fun! I'm back in Sicily...coming back home in two days...to a champagne room. Nice. Until then---

Blitzkrieg Italy!!

Dep. Catania: 0655 31 Dec. Leaving on a jet plane...Arrivederci!

Arrive Roma: 0900 31 Dec. Happy New Year!! And it's in Rome...Do a dance...
Dep. Roma: 0600 2 Jan. 2004!!! yeah baby...

Arrive Pise: 0820 2 Jan. train, train, train...
Dep. Pise: 1209 2 Jan. see the tower, bounce on out

Arrive Firenze: 1332 2 Jan. Florence....Musica!
Dep. Firenze: 0645 3 Jan. more train action

Arrive Venezia: 1014 3 Jan. Water....everywhere...and then some.
Dep. Venezia:1251 3 Jan. might find I can't really swim all that well

Arrive Milano: 1555 Jan.3 "it's the New York or LA of Italy." and what's Rome...Nashville?
Dep. Milano: 1000 Jan.4 I'm going, going, back, back...

Arrive Firenze: 1245 Jan.4 ...to Florence, Florence
Dep. Firenze: 1830 Jan. 4 On the plane again...da da da da da da, On the plane again...

Arrive Catania 2005 Jan. 4 Avec ma famille...awww.

Yeah! Out on: Blitzkrieg, Tour de Italie! Until then---

I haven't done this in a while... I just lost a long blog, dang it. And I'm too tired to try it again! stupid internet! crap on a crapper! I'm tired! BED! Until then---

So I'm over here in Italy and the jet lag that was supposed to get to me, kinda isn't really getting to me. There is a 9 hour difference, for those of you that don't know, so I'm really writing this at about 12:20 am here. So me being tired just has to do with the fact that it's dark out here and I've been out most of the day...
Sicily is sweet, btw! It's an interesting island and I will try to keep you guys as updated as possible. I went to the city closest to here, Catania (look it up), and it looks like it'll be the place to be if there is a party...(ahem, as in I plan on being there or Athens or Rome for New Years...) The island is supposedly more like old Italy than the mainland and though I haven't been, I'm looking forward to checking as much of that out as possible. He he, I'm actually trying to save my mom from being stuck in the house, too. I've found that there really is stuff to do here (contrary to my sister: "It's boring here", "There's nothing to do here") Just in the city, I've seen soo much. I would love it here...for a while. Ha, really all I'm saying is that there's just as much to do here as there is in Orange. Ok, no... more than that. The fun part is the language. It's funny coz my Nana (mom's mom) is here for the second time and niether her nor my parents have caught on to the language as quickly as I have. Though, I admit, I probably wouldn't be able to carry a conversation...In fact, I know I couldn't, but it's fun trying to understand and learning as I go. Basically I'm pairing the two high school years of French that I had and the one semester of Greek that I've taken and applying it to what I pick up to figure out the meaning. Very fun, eh? Ha ha, well the place is beautiful and so are the people. I think that it's the wine or something but the majority of the people here are beautiful...and I'm definitely speaking of the ladies here. In the small area I've found...wow. Unfortunately, that language barrier and being around my parents the whole time...not so cool. I would like to try the language thing but...unless I am just with my brother, I will probably get no play. Or should I say chance for play. I'm still an idiot, so if the chance isn't there... shoot even is the chance is there... Just like the Italian one at home. Oh well. She's still on my mind too, and if she hasn't been I know that she would love it here...it reminds me of her so much. Sad coz we're nothing. Oh well again. I'll try to keep updated. Caio!! Until then---

I should probably face it: nothing is ever going to happen. Until then---

with you, adieu

what if i'm wrong
why can't that be right
why question my step
before i've lifted a foot
why look at me wrong
when i know that's not right
why i'll sing you a song
the evening is still young
for you i will cry
before there is any reason
and how are my steps full
when i find myself empty
in search for a Truth
finding i find it
not in me, or you
seeing a part in you
what truth i've found
i doubt again, again i doubt
you and me and how
does He know
will he tell
i give no chance
but for me to fall
from that i rely on
with no feet on the ground
to Rock where i hide
away from it all, and you
yet my place behind is dark
no Light and empty
so this is for you
in hope that i will be
more than me, oui, less of me
firm and true

Until then---

Cake rules! What have I been doing not gettinga solid daily dosage? Anyway, the excuse of being consumed with work for finals has been gone since friday, so I think that now is a good time to update. Proabably earlier but what ever. So what do I do now that I'm on break? Play guitar, play video games, and wish that all the people that lived in the dorms were still around. I got way used to being over at the dorms hanging out with the crew that now I'm way bored... ok mostly bored. It's noce to have time to play guitar though. Ah...so nice. I've even recorded some new stuff, acoustically and very simple of course, on my cpu. I've been working on a CD for a special someone... the last song was written for her... we'll see how that goes (I may get killed by an ex for that..). Anyway, not much from my side. I'll be back another time. Until then---

I think that I'm at a draught again. I can't really think anymore...too many things to do. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Right? When you're in college on semesters or quarters, this is a very hectic time. If your a parent, or have family at all, they want to see you. Friends want to see you. And then, almost regardless if you really celebrate the birth of Christ or not, there is the whole gift thing. The world gets to see consumerism in it's finest hour. Winter break/ time is not really known for the actual "reason for the season." And even those that are celebrating for that reason don't take the time to really sppreciate it. It's weird for me, coz since I know that there is no real way, based on scientific fact, that Christ was born in the Winter therefore not the day we celebrate it, and it's my birthday. As a Christian, I think that it's cool to celebrate Christ's birth but what's more important is that fact of why he was here. More importantly, if we are going to celebrate Christ's birth, our giving should return to God for sending Him in the first place. No worries of what to give but ourselves and what we are as ourselves to Him. The sharing of our own gifts that God has given each of us, we should have gone out and made twice over to give back to His body - all Christians. Simple enough, I think. I shall now go back to the world as it is, and pray that someday we'll realize just what He means. Until then---

I was not paying any attention in poetry class yesterday. Here's what i came up with:

Monday

Drone Drone
I sit unalone
I sit writing a poem
A way A way
It's early today
And nothing I say
Lend Lend
My ears to a friend
Don't write with this pen
Long Long
I think of this song
I string it along

Until then---

"Wake up, wake up, wake up it's the first of the month..." Good old Bone Thugs. I can't believe that it's freaking December...well I can only because I just had a fat turkey dinner. Anyway: 24 days till can get plastered legally! Ok so I'm not really looking forward to that too much. It'll be cool to pick up some good red wine though... mmmmm. What I meant to really say was: 24 days till I go to see my family in Italy! So stoked. I've still got stuff I've got to do before I can get my ticket but... awesome. This is actually funny too because as it is I haven't seen my family in two years, but since August, my sister won't talk to me until I go out there. She's such a weirdo; she doesn't talk much on the phone when we talk anyway. But she's one of my best friends, and it's good to hear her voice, so this is kind of a low blow. She's like that though. Funny.
Anyway, got to find some sort of a job so I can pay rent...I'm not sure about this month or next month at all, let alone after that...screwed. Actually: prayer. It will get taken care of if I trust God...and I really don't have any other choice. That's a good thing though to have God to rely on to do what's best for you. In other words, I don't know what I'm going to have to do to get the money just yet, but I'll get it somehow. (Don't be thinking nasty now!) Well I'm outty...need to go serching a bit. Until then---

There's a reason why I'm drawn to you. I just can't put my finger on it. I also can never say what I really want to. I'm worse than you females. Hinting without hinting yet waiting for a reply. I disgust myself. Those blue eyes... beautiful blue eyes that daunt me and stare at me when I do something stupid. Or when you do and have no clue. It's cute. And you're funny, and you don't know it. I'm not including the times that you're really not trying to be funny but are rather confused. You can seriously be funny. It's cool. So where this is we will never be again - it's ever changing. hopefully never farther than the day before. Just knowing you is fun. To know you better is to be... I don't know. I'll have to see. It's not me, it's you. Someday I'll open my mouth and you'll know it, too. Until then---

something for tonight

i've come to know
all that I
should be depraved
of all the things
i seem to find
of all the things
i want to need
i seem to bleed
though not as much as You
when i remember

i've come to know
some parts of me
i want to be
naked and free
to show me just me
and you just you
in something i can't see
won't ever see
cos there is no more
just less of me

depraved unworthy
allowed to be
just to be for You
and nothing greater
i feel i hate her
i feel i what who
i know i love you
for what i don't know
and that i can't show
not given time
to make me have again

Until then---

So I just have one question? Why is it that my "friends" don't call me to hang out... ever? Just a question...
Transmission from a Lonely Friday Night.
i sit here
alone and thinking
alone unthinking
beliving what seems to be
what leads to the
feeling of empty truths
that mean
i mean
they take my mind away
so much goes through
i read into the little things too much
and not into You enough
there's no hope in what's here
for me
when i look
there it shows to me
the only way
out there
out where
somewhere out where
where i never could be
could never fit
and so it sit and think
alone i think
"i'm alone"

Until then---

Why is it that every time that I update this thing I'm skipping class...? It's 11:30 and I decided in my Human Nutrition lab this morning that I wasn't going to the lecture. Don't ask why...I'm on break already. So uh..it's been awhile. I guess I've been going to class, ha ha. Well I have a lot to catch up on don't I? Quick details:
Halloween day went thriftin' with A.C. (Aaron, Aaron's roomate..he he), he was dressing as Wilson from Home Improvment, I ended up being Samuel L. Jackson, aka One Bad Ass Motha F@#$a, in his leisure clothes. Just roamed the night away, and saw "The Ring" (funny movie) and "28 Days Later" (could have only been more awesome if Samuel L. Jackson was in it...basically movie=awesome) and hung out with some friends til late...ah Halloween.
On the 5th of this month, I finally got another job. (Yay money!) Especially important coz there's no more soccer games. (Less money, booo...) It's a tutoring job for high schoolers, easy $9/ hr. I still need to find more work though...
7th of this month: SAN DIEGO! SWITCHFOOT! I finally got to go home after a long time of not being there. A.C. came with me. It's a very scary place right now...at least to me. The devastation from the fires really put me into shock. I couldn't bear to drive into areas where I knew that there were lost homes. The smell of burning was still in the air, as well as smoke and this was a week later...it sucked. We went by my Alma mater it was Home coming...good times...yet weird. The peeps that were frosh my senior year are seniors now. Weird. Anyway, Switchfoot! Got to see them for the first itm since they've been signed down at Soma. Great show. Things have definitely moved up for them. They are still such an inspiration. On the drive back, A.C. and I were making plans to play and get on the same page...for real, no messin' around. We'll be coming up with stuff very soon. Will keep you posted.
On the same note, David and I played the other day and he's stepped it up. It's been a month since I've played with him and I think that may have been a good thing. He's gotten a lot better. I can actually see me playing with him now and not just dragging him along in hopes that he'll work things out. Ladies and Gentlemen, we may have a band...
Remember Samson. 24 hour Men Madness, November 14 was awesome.
Well not much yet on the day. I'll keep on posting. Until then---

I guess now that both Grant and Aro have commented on the fires, it's my turn...especially since I actually do know people that had to evacuate their homes. All of the fires in San Diego have affected someone that I know... in most cases, many multiple someones. I've spent probably way too much time worrying and thinking about what's going on down there. Even though I got a call form my good friend Blake that everyone in his parents/his neighborhood is okay and got out of their homes before the fire went through, I'm still in utter shock and awe. The fire did more than comsume houses, and beautiful SD: they've consumed my mind. Nothing I do can seem to take the freaking fires off of my mind. I have dreams about them, in places that I've created with people that I don't even know...intense dreams. I wasn't sleeping too well...
I got an instant message within the past couple of nights telling me that the house that another one of my friends (who really cannot afford this to happen) house has burned down, too. NO MORE!! And the small town of Julian is in danger too...I don't know. Home doen't seem like home anymore. It's been killed; chared to death; blackened and smoldering; beautiful smells, once burned, are quite rancid. Yet, I still miss home. Some how, I think that it was snowed on me and I may have breathed some of it in.
Just pray... Until then---

I got a hug today.
It was just what I needed.
Thanks.
Until then---

So I am currently skipping class again today. Don't ask why...I really just didn't feel like going. Besides, I never really feel like going so that's not a good excuse. Honestly, I couldn't get myself out of bed this morning really. Hmm... I just take those type of things as signs. Besides that, I'm having a real hard time with whether I really want to be even taking classes right now... anyway...
Yesterday, I made a difficult choice in my music career. I got a call for Breakfast Epiphanies to play at Chapman's homecoming festivities. Well this was all the more interesting because BE is going through major change and really all that's left is me. I've been trying to work with this drummer, David, who is cool, and really wants to play but he still can't feel music. He's got technique down pretty well, but no soul goes into what he plays. I want to help him out by playing with him but I feel as though I should be getting paid to work with him. It has stopped being fun, but rather frustrating to play with him. I wish that it could work, but I know that it won't right now. So there's me... and my guitars, and my songs... I figured that I'd play on my own and put on the show. I am Breakfast Epiphanies.
Also yesterday I started playing a bit with Aro's roomate, Aaron (he he, and that's for mutiple reasons). He plays bass and sings. Sweet. We are going to keep playing with each other, but we don't know where it'll go. We'll have to see. I'm already having more fun than I have been these past few months. Sad. Anyway, off to make arrangements for my songs so I can play them by myself and not suck. Until then---

So can anybody tell me this: why is it that the only women that respond to my guitarist ad are over 30... or close to it? Are there no younger female guitarists that sing out there?! To some, that may be confusing. In the process of rebuilding Breakfast Epiphanies, I need to find a female guitarist to sing (and of course play) with to fill out the sound of the band. Basically I need her for the voice but we also have a need fo another guitar...why not two in one? Besides, what would a backing vocalist look like with nothing else to do but sing? Weird. So this process has been going on since April... maybe March, and the youngest one (of the many I've tried out) was 27. Twenty friggin' seven! That's seven years on me!! Do they understand that I was finishing elementary school when they graduated high school? Anyway, I'm actually finding that most musicians out there looking for stuff are older...men as well. Kind of scary. Especially when they respond to an ad that may say: "Female Guitarist/Vocalist needed." In the delectable words of Aro: What the crap! Any way, still searching obviously looking for compatibility as well but I'd like to find someone who can play... period. Haven't gotten many of those in the search...but what ever. They'll come when they need to. Really, all of this was just a question anyway...not a rant. I'll step down now. Until then---

a poem

stand out on a limb
inch out
a bit
stepping
breathe in the freshness
the newness
air
a feeling
a freedom and chance
to let go
drop
everything
that you have come to know
or have become
inside
when you had
but you never really had a thing
that meant
a thing
so that now
you feel something new
and that
now
it's all
right before your eyes
no longer hidden behind a face
a mask you saw for way too long
and you lived behind its shadowed way
and now you slowly step out from
all you've been and known
from inside the darkness
into the light
you fall

Until then---

Lovely homework... I'm taking this American poetry class which is pretty cool... lot's of discussion on a topic that I can do. Well we've got this project due tomorrow in which we have to turn verse (a poem) into prose (essay form/sentences/stupid structure). I didn't really want to do something that has been done... Honestly, I kinda wanted to use one of my own writings, but I happened to fall across Aro's Quiche of the Day and I think that this entry is perfect for my project. Read one of them and then the other... I think that it's cool:

Intersection.
Wait for the little red hand to disappear
on the crosswalk light and
then push off hard
and fast
into the street
past the Explorers and Escorts already lining up
at the stoplight.

The asfault of the street
is darker than the concrete of the sidewalk
and rises before it falls,
like a hill you only notice on a skateboard.
Kick off twice
to get to the middle of the street,
side by side with the roaring cross traffic,
then once more
in the center,
at the top,
and ride the rest of the way
down,
then up again
sharply onto the smoother sidewalk
and you’re sailing again.

It’s sometime after seven on Friday night
and Tustin Avenue has everything you need,
trust me.
It’s my inaugural trip to Tustin tonight,
first one of the fall.
I’ve been wanting to decorate
my room
with posters
and pictures
of my family
and my girlfriend
and so I am in the market
push-pins or
sticky-tack or
both.
If Christina were here
with her bike
we’d be enroute to Rite-Aide,
but she’s moved into an apartment,
so I’m going solo,
and though that doesn’t mean
I’m lost,
it does mean I forgot
which way to turn down the
Everything Avenue.

So I’m just on the lookout.

You see things on a bike you don’t see in a car:
the moon in the
milky blue sky above telephone wires strung between poles like an empty music staff;
a trio of young men
lugging five boxes of Corona between them
across the parking lot.
And stores and stores and stores.
No different really,
then a marketplace in any period drama
and I have the sense of being
a visitor
in my own time.

Until then---

Right now, just thinking... Just thinking about my next talk for Tuesday at Refuge: The purpose of God...or something like that; thinking about this article I just read on music piracy/file sharing/whatever else you want to call it and how it's not goign to go away anytime soon. You know what...? I'm going to talk about that coz as a musician, i should care, right? In a way, I definitely do see that this is stealing from possible profits that could be made. But the issue is, who makes the profit? I know, being a musician, that unless you're the producer, distributer, and recorder/engineer, you don't make money on CD sales. The rising prices of CDs leads to the idea that getting songs for free is much more worth the effort rather than supporting the band. I was just thinking. A little more. If we...musicians in this case... got rid of all of the middle men, and learned how to take care of ourselves...or could at least know what's going on, we could make some real money on GOOD music. The producers/record labels just want to put out something catchy. Who hears any substance on the radio anymore? Most all the bands considered old, or too experimental, or (insert crappy insult here), like Bush, Stone Temple Pilots, Smashing Pumpkins (just before being refused their last record contract), Pearl Jam, etc. are freaking amazing and actually wrote good poetry/lyrics and music that moved(s). Moved beyond a four chord chorus that mirrors the verse. With guitarists not afraid to rip out a solo...ever. My gosh..I'm stopping now and going to sleep dreaming of that: GOOD MUSIC. Until then---

I have a new nick name: UG. Until then---

Yeah so I know I'm pathetic, sitting at home on a Saturday night after working a soccer game, but I got to do something that I've needed to do for a long time: finally see Pulp Fiction. That is such a freaking awesome movie. It's hillarious. Definitely more reason for Samuel L. Jackson to be the badass of the century...quoting Ezekiel (who's quoting God) just before killing someone. Dang. And then realizing what the passage should really mean after, somehow, bullets go through him and his partner Vincent (John Travolta). A must see if you haven't but I'm pretty sure that I was the only one left... Until then---

I was feeling this song today...so I decided i'd share:

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city lights
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

To keepin' silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut
'Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" he said "Grab your things
I've come to take you home."

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" I said "You can keep my things,
they've come to take me home."
-Peter Gabriel
Until then---

Oh yeah... I forgot...fantasy footbal draft...nice. And...

I got my phone call. Pretty stoked. Until then---

I'm bored, so I think I'm going to write or something. I dunno really what I'm going to put here. Right now I kind of have a headache. But not really... The SCR party is going down somewhere areound here, but I don't really want to go coz I'm kinda waiting for a phone call from a long lost...not really...maybe long not heard from, may still be, but not sure, but also hoping so, girlfriend of mine. I don't know. Just a little thing. That seemed a weird thing to write... Idunno, maybe nasty. I'm thinking about playing with another band until BE can get it's act together...but I dunno if that's right... It's kinda my fault that it's not really there right now, I guess... But I think that God has me on call...like I've got to really call Him...bad. Freaking school starts tomorrow! Dang it all! I don't wantto go... I pretty much over school. I enjoy learning as long as the homework doesn't suck. or maybe no home work... I've got to figure out how to make some real money... I have none and I may only have one guitar lesson set up so far for this fall. I need to advertize more. I GIVE GUITAR LESSONS!!! THEY ARE GOOD!! I SWEAR THAT YOU GET MORE FOR YOUR BUCK WITH ME THAN SOMEWHERE ELSE!! I'm too concieted...egotistical? what ever..both probably. I think that I may want to do Chapman Radio finally...but at the same time Idunno if I want to take that time away from anything else that I could potentially do...like ... this? I'm done...still bored...don't want to type any more...at least for now...video games? Until then---

Right now I smell like smoke and you weren't even there. I'm going to vent for a second. Maybe it's not really venting but it getting something out that I'm just so confuzed about. I don't know what's going on; with me with you, us. I haven't even had a chance to really talk with you since you've been home. All I know is that when you left, we were on the "we're not sure" and "let's wait on God for this time away" terms and we're supposed to see what's up now that you're back. I'll just say that it's messing me up. With some of the other stuff that's going on with me, I just don't know what to think when you say you'll call me and don't get around to it. At the same time, I know you're busy and I don't want to impose on that. That is definitely mutual understanding. You seem excited when I call you but phone conversation is never as real as face-to-face. I need to be able to talk to you everyonce in a while. It's not like you're on another country anymore which was hard enough. But I know...I"m supposed to be waiting to see what God wants to do. Well I want to know if what I heard matched up with what you heard! I just feel as though I'm losing it; myself, and all that I know God has planned, coz I know that I'm not always in tune with what God wants for me. I feel like I'm habitually screwing His plans for me up. I don't want this to be another one...another screw up. I don't like being a failure especially for the One who has been there for me since forever. I'm just wondering where we stand...that's all. I know my side, but I think, somehow, I've ruined it... I've failed... somehow... again. Until then---

So I think that I've been away long enough. I'm going to attempt, once again, to update this on at least a semi-frequent basis. And once again, you can watch me fail miserably! Anyway, just a short blurb to say "I'm back!" Until then---

KING: We're back with Bono. You mentioned being Christian, and...

BONO: Trying to be.

KING: ... trying to be. Are you -- do you like organized religion? Are you a Catholic? Do you go to mass?

BONO: Who in Ireland could have too much respect for organized religion? We've seen it tear our country in two.

My mother was a Protestant. My father was a Catholic. And I learned that religion is often the enemy of God, actually.

And religion is this sort of -- religion is the artifice, you know, the building, after God has left it sometimes, like Elvis has left the building. You hold onto religion, you know, rules, regulations, traditions. I think what God is interested in is people's hearts, and that's hard enough.

My friend Dan (aka Danus) Orris' has this on his AIM profile. I thought this to be interesting, and insightful, and from a musicians mouth. I'm telling you, most of us are the ones that get it! Until then---

I won't usually promote movies mainly because I'm not a film person (but maybe that's why I should promote movies) but "Tears of the Sun" starring Bruce Willis (sorry Aro) is freaking good. It's definitely a thinker, and whether you're pro-war or not you should see it to get your noodle going. On that note I leave. Until then---

"It smells like cleaning outside and my socks are wet."
"I can smell the cleaning and my feet."
"I can hear Godzilla in our closet."
You heard it second....three in a row from this guy. I walk outside...thirty seconds later I walk in, say a line. Take off my socks, say a line. Enter our closet to put my socks with my dirty clothes, say a line. Ah...like clock work. Until then---

"If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything." - anonymous. Until then---

"2000 years ago one man got nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if everyone was nice to each other for a change." - Douglas Adams, British comic actor (1952-2001). Until then---

For some reason there must be some evil ploy to make sure that most college students do not come out of college with a better understanding of Christ. There are definitely not the same types of outreaches that there are with the other levels, like high school, or middle school. What I'm thinking of inperticular is Wyld Life, which is for middle-schoolers, and Young Life, for high-schoolers. Why isn't there something for us? I know that they can't think that we've got it all figured out when all 'elders of the church' talk about is the "troubled youth." Now the purpose for the two aforementioned groups is to provide a non-threatening place to share the Gospel of Christ. It's genuinely fun times lead by Christians that aren't trying to force you into submission but to give people (in this case kids) an understanding of Christ. Now, I do believe that the main problem within the church and with those that don't believe (I usually even categorize these people together since they have the same problem) is that they don't have an understanding of who Christ is. People within the church usually focus too much on the legalistic aspect of the church and those that hve no reason to believe see this as blasphemy and won't have anything to do with it and therefore nothing to do with Christ. Well folks, this legalism is blasphemous. If we bust out our good ol' SAT knowledge, we'd observe that the suffix, "-ism", means "the belief in." So... basically this means that the people hooked on the religion not the faith, believe in the law, not in Christ therefore making them non-Christian. This is in line with the people so stuck in their: "I'm Baptist" (believing merely the baptism), or "I'm Evangelist" (believing that they have to go out and tell people about telling people about telling people...), or "I'm Lutheran" (You know that Martain Luther didn't want to be worshipped!). Ok so that's pretty extreme, but the idea is that those labels shouldn't matter. In Acts 2, the writer, Luke writes about the first church. They usually didn't have a permamnent building, if they had one at all, and it was total freedom in Christ. All that mattered was Christ. The only thing that should matter is Christ, and learning more about him and doing what He wants you to do. Until that realization is made, there will be a lack of faith. Our humanism will have gotten in the way...like usual. I think that I got a bit off of my point... oh well. Until then---

So I've been meaning to at least mention this: I really like you. Ok so that sounds really "high school," right? But that's all I can really start with. You're all that I think about other than Jesus, and my music, and you somehow bleed into those as well. I don't know... Maybe I'm just tripping. I remember when I first saw you at Refuge. I thought you were really cute but I was just getting over an ex-girlfrind at the time and I knew that I needed to straighten out other priorities that I had at that point... so dating you was definitely not an option. Not out of mind though. I remember me and a buddy, Bowser, noticing you simutaneously that night and he was all for you. That was fine by me. He's been tripping on the fact that he "needs a girlfriend" so more power to him. Good ol' first-day meetings are so great...
So time passed and I really only saw you at Refuge every week which wasn't bad coz, again, there was no reason to really want to see you more, and I didn't want to develop something between us that couldn't work at that point (at least from my side). As aquaintances, things were cool. I knew that you and my friends were hanging out a lot, and one especially as he began to date your roommate. Good ol' buddy, Bootante. But Bowser had other things in sight for him. Another girl walks into Refuge one night and he's trippin' on her! I mean trippin'! His eyes were for her, but they were also for you...somehow. I don't know. Well when things began to clear up for me, I allow for things to happen that could possibly go in the direction of "dating", whatever that means. It's kind of the point that I'm still standing at since I don't know where I can stand with any female. Since that point, I've become much netter friends with you and really began to have feelings for you to hopefully be more than just friends. This is the part where I always mess up. I either wait too long, or I go in when the time is not right... either way the time is not right but that's not the point. The point is that I don't want to ruin our friendship nor mine with Bowser (since now he's been shut down by his other girl, and you're his fall-back). I don't really like that for one second but I don't know where you guys stand. I just pray that Jesus holds on to you and tells what He wants you to do. I know you'll listen. I pray the same for me and even Bowser. Until then---

La dee Da... So most recently (yesterday...) I've come across this quotes page which probably has the most obvious web address: www.quotationspage.com. It's really cool. I like quotes (hence the quotes page that I have on this site that I've not updated since last semester sometime). I found a good for today. "The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, 'Is there a meaning to music?' My answer would be, 'Yes.' And 'Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?' My answer to that would be, 'No.'"Stimulating isn't it!? The twentieth century composer, Aaron Copland, said this and I find it totally true. Music is such a gift of God to us and there is no way to truly describe how it makes you feel or whatever it does to you.
"Music is essentially useless, as life is." - George Santayana. I was just thinking about what I'd really be wanting to do in a normal day of the rest of my life... without being married yet of course. Lemme think: Wake up, when ever and read my bible. Shower to wake up the senses then play guitar, hopefully jamming with my band. I might eat somewhere in here...at least I should. Keep playing more music. If I have a significant other at the time, I'd want to see her of course. More music. Maybe some video games if I have the time before bed. Then bed... I think that that would be chill. The only thing is that I'd absolutely have to be making money playing music, as I know I will be... no worries there. But the thing is that I know that there is no way that God has that chill schedule in the near future, and that's ok. I can think about it can't I? At least I know He's got me in His hands. *singing* He's got the whole world in his hands. *stop singing* He he. It's so true... and I wish that the whole world knew.
Kind of on that, I saw someone get used for the Lord hardcore today. Chelsea Kreitler (Moore, to some) did her speech today in my COM 101 lab today. She usually isn't even in that class time so I know that there was someting about me seeing and hearing her give this speech. It was cool coz she basically explained Christianity to a class that mostly contains people that are or have been turned away from it or just are of a religion instead of a faith. That was almost exactly what she was talking about, too; that fact that Christianity is about the relationship between us and Jesus, not about the religion (rules and laws). Right on. I'm glad that I go to hear that today... I was blessed and I pray that that may have changed some hearts. Amen.
Now I've been doing this blog as kind of an all-day thing today, and I think that it may work out better this way in order to keep it up more often... I might try this again soon. Until then---

I think that I might get back into doing this... Alright. To all you fans out there... Ahem. Ok. I know that there is really only like one or maybe two people that read this... including me when I write it but I'm coming back to doing this for me anyway so this doesn't matter!! MUUUAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAAA!! Anyway, a lot has been going on with me and the world that I live in. Right now I'm sick, which sucks coz I don't allow myself to go out and DO stuff. I miss outside, and some of my classes... well I've missed more than a few classes and soccer practice for the past three days...today included. Sucks. Oh well...I think that I should have taken this Blog back up earlier but instead, I've been living vicariously though the Breakfast Epiphanies website. It's been updated and changed around a bit if you haven't seen... (again, if I'm not talking to myself either)... it's pretty cool. But honestly, the band has been my life aside from school and church. Another reason that I've not been on here... I think a fair excuse...
So sense I know that I can't catch up with EVERYTHING, I won't. Instead there will be a quick jump to now. *JUMP* That wasn't so hard. I've had a request by my roommate, Aaron, to tell more of my stories from my life about the opposite sex and how they've affected me. Luckily for us all, I've got the perfect story!...

Alright so this is Saturday, October 26, 4:30 PM, and Breakfast Epiphanies has finished their second show of the weekend. (All went well except the PA...It sucked hardcore!!) Everything gets put away, at least kind of (there's still a two amps and other stuff in the back of my car), and me and Aro decide to go to Rocktober (80's party at Kevins, Wiggum's guitarist, house) and see Wiggum play their second show, as we both had missed the first the night before. So we get decked out, as best we can (Aro had a 'Flock of Seagulls' look going for him), and head over at about 8:50. Let's just say we got lost coz I thought that the house was on one side of Main Street when it was on the other side... Anyway, we get there 5 minutes after the band had finished their set ~ 9:35. Sucks. So we're there and we realize that the only person that we really know at the party is Djay (bassist of the band) and eveyone else there is leagally drinking...in other words, quite a bit older. So, we ditch that party and take my amp back (Wiggum had just borowed it) and decide to go to the Chapman Homecoming dance thingy that was at the school.
We go. Chilled. Heard the girl get Jedi Mind-tricked into taking all her clothes off, MJ beating it, and the Quad-City DJ's Choo-choo Train. Seriously, there were about 5 people when we got there, 30 somewhere inbetween, then 9 when we left and we did no dancing... (unfortunately?). Anyway, we leave that and head back to our room.
Here's the fun part:
It's 11 o'clock when Aro and I get to our room and we see three people sitting outside of it. One, once we got closer, we could see was our roomate, Grants', friend from home (San Jose...6-7 hours away mind you) Christina. I then assume that Grant would know the other two as well and Aro and I introduce ourselves to Aaron and Melinda. So here we are with Grants friends and we explain to them that we haven't seen him since 4:30 and that it's pretty messed up of Grant to say that it's cool to visit and not be there. Also, since he doesn't ever carry his cell phone anymore, there was no way of finding him! The funny thing is that I faintly remember Grant mentioning them coming down, but what ever (we later find that it was all just a miscommunication). So we have them over and we all decide that Grant makes cool friends as ultimate compensation for his uncoolness. We also decide that we should ditch him because of this and because he ditches us! Simple enough! We chill for a while and actually make plans for Sunday afternoon to go to the Getty.

Now the reason for this story:
Melinda, who actually is now technically a local coz she goes to Biola University, is very cool. I notice something about her that is totaly awesome and I don't even know really what it is. We don't get to talk too much that night about more personal stuff coz we spent most of it bashing on Grant, but I definitely feel as though I need to get to know her a lot better. The thing about this is that I know that I really don't need anything beyond a friendship with anyone right now because where I am with BE and school. This is something from God for sure because I really want to have a girlfriend at the very least to be there and for us comfort each other...Dang the hormones!! Moving along... So with the feelings that I have towards Melinda, I know that they aren't going to go beyond a friendship (coz they can't) at the moment but I know that I have the feelings that make me think that there could be something in the future. Idunno, but this is the first time that I can honestly say that I would not pursue any more than a friendship until there were an appointed time by God. I know that he'd tell me. Besides, after the trip to the Getty, I decide to ask her out to talk and see what happens. I actually pull this off somehow last night (if you've read before, I've had problems with this whole asking girls to a date thing), being Wednesday. Now she asks me if this 'date' is like 'boyfriend-girlfriend' or just going out as friends. She continues that she is waiting for God to lead her to where she is going before she takes steps to find a mate (there's the date to mate thing too...I'm all for that as well). Basically this means to her no casual dating, which is fine by me and actually blessed me when she said it. The whole conversation blessed me last night as she insisted that I must think that she is weird to be waiting and I laughed praised God because that is exactly what I needed to hear even though I just got "shut-down" in the worldy view of things. But all is good with the Lord so we're going to make plans to go out with our friends and get a chance to talk to each other there...like on Sunday. All I can say is: Thank you Lord for that. I'm actually willing to wait if this be it (I kind of went pirate on that...).
I think that that was interesting enough for days of entertainment! I'll work on updating more than once a month...with actual substance, too. Promise. Until then---

YEAH!!! Breakfast Epiphanies does not rock. Until then---

Just so you know, I'm not dead or anything... Just busy, slash not remembering to update, slash just plain lazy....yadda yadda yadda. Any way, I've been told by people to actually update my page. I'd have to agree with those few. After that last update, I was trying to do some changes to the template for this log, but some of the plans fell through, and again I was just lazy, slash forgot, slash busy...
So Breakfast Epiphanies is rockin' the free world (mainly Pralle-Sodaro Hall but what ever). Our new drummer, Brett has been keepin it real and the rest or us (Grant, Christina, and I) have only become more tight (like a tiger... -- Goldmember...). We totally have an audiece now...it's pretty scary but at the smae time, it's what I've been working for for a long time now. Gods plan for me is slowly becoming more and more real every day. That's what I get for never doubting it. I got so hooked up with the situations that I did that there is no way that I could have pulled this stuff off without Him. Breakfast Epiphanies would not exist. Word.
Life around here is wacky as usual. We like to keep it real in the substance-free floor!! I still walk around half naked, and everybody is always in everybody elses business, and all of us are always in trouble for propping doors open (FIRE HAZARD??, what?), and and noises in the hall means that there are heads popping out of every door (we sound nosey, but we actually just join in with the fun). And of course, if you keep up with the real writer in the room, Grant and Aaron, their websites have kept up with the details of our plights. He he, I still swear that when you come to college, you revert back to being a two year-old but with rights, and a little more knowledge. Some people use it, others don't. I think that that's the difference between those that go out and get drunk every night and cause a ruckus but don't remember a thing that happened and those that go out and actually can enjoy causing a ruckus all in good fun. Well being the drunkard...just kidding. Well I'm off to shower and start my day! The rain in Spain falls gently on the plain. Until then---

Finally...! My stupid computer wouldn't let me update my page... I really didn't mean to leave you all hangin', I couldn't get blogger to work on my CPU. Oh well enough of that, I'm back and that's what matters. I'm now two weeks into school, and things are good so far. I may get a chance to tell you all about it later, but for now, I just wanted to tell all that I'm back, and ready for action! Until then---

I'm indisposed... I will be busy, really busy for the next few weeks, so if there's nothing new up here, don't be mad, get glad...er... Until then---

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! As put best by Jim Morrison: "Summer's almost gone." Darn it!! I'm not ready for that yet!! I want people to come back and sure that means that school has to start up too, but really: how many people really want it to? I know that I'm not ready to start the vigorous schedule of classes and soccer, then trying to balance out those with free time (i.e. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3, watching Plastic Bag Man in action...)! That whole thing of having to remember to eat and when you can; finding time to sleep; remembering that you actually need to sleep; keeping up with the latest thing that is going on in your room (who cares about other rooms when your own room has the most fun?)... Geez... Then Breakfast Epiphanies, too! I don't know how this will work or how it did at all last semester... Whatever. I know that I want to get my degree just in case I screw something up with what I believe is my calling. That should help keep my focus. Right now I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for school this semester. The way I see it, I'm screwed no matter what happens right now. Until I get my potential job at Lowes (knock on wood), I have no real source of income. My parents aren't going to be able to help me out and I really don't want them to have to; I've got two siblings for them to take care of...in Italy no doubt! Even after that, I won't be able to pay the school with that money... Next, if I choose to drop out for a few semesters, I will have to start paying off loans while paying for a house or apartment that I'll be renting out. Right. About that. Not happening. I need to save as much money as possible for the day that I need to actually get the house that I'm hoping to get soon with Grant, Aaron, and Djay at least...
Well yeah, so this is the last month of not truly being a "wise fool" of college and I'm looking forward to it. Besides the aformentioned stresses (don't I sound educated?), it should be a good year in the "most definitely" category. I really want to get to playing with the band and getting a full-length release out to the public. I honestly hope that everyone (Grant, Christina, and... well Christina) is as pshyched and as ready as I am to get things done as a band. It'll be fun!! Until then---

Wow, what a hit! Well, whoever thought up the idea for answering questions using band lyrics thing is sitting pretty. It's been picked up by other friends and it may just keep going! That'd be cool! Well, I probably wouldn't even know if it kept going or not since I wouldn't know where to look for it beyond my friends' sites but what ever... It would still be cool. I may even try it again with another band... proabably STP. Well that's all for now. Until then---

I thought that this was ingenious! I got this from Christina's live jounal which she in turn got from somebody else but it's a great idea. I think that anyone that listens to a particular group with a lot of regularity should have some sort of relation with the words of the songs that they listen to. It's that simple; we listen to what we can relate to at any given time. Well here's my answers to the same questions...
ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS WITH LYRICS FROM ONLY ONE BAND: (Switchfoot)


1. Are you male or female?: "Evidence convicts the hollow men/ After looking inside/ To my dismay I find I'm one of them/ Coz I'm an already but not yet resurrected fallen man/ Come break this limbo" (I Turn Everything Over)


"When I'm a broken-hearted man/ Complacent and tired" (You Already Take Me There)


2. Describe yourself: "Nothing but a chemical in my head/ Nothing but laziness/ Coz I don't wanna read the book,/ I'll watch the movie/ Coz it's not me,/ I'm just like anybody else my age." (Chem6A)


"Hey, I give it all away/ Nothing I was holdong back remains/ Hey, I give it all away/ Looking for the grace of God today" (Something More (Augustine's Confession))


"There's a song that inside of my soul/ It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again" (Only Hope)


"Monday found me on my knees again/ Breathing You in/ To blur the lines that mark where I begin/ And You end/ There's no use in trying to pretend/ Come take me again/ Coz rumor has it I'm not who I've been/ Come define me/ What can we do/ If the rumors are true?/ I turn everything over/ I turn myself in/ There's nothing left of me to defend" (I Turn Everything Over)


"Coz I've been thinking, thinking/ I've got a plan to lose it all/ I've got a contract pending on eternity/ If I haven't already given it away/ I've got a plan to lose it all" (The Loser)


3. How do people feel about you?: "He's tired of the holes that are keeping him incomplete" (Incomplete)


"I've got the company car/ I'm the one swinging at two below par." (Company Car)


"I've been the burnout kid/ I've been the idiot/ I'll turn the other cheek to be hit you can/ Take what you want from me/ Empty me till I'm depleted/ I'll be around if I'm ever needed" (The Loser)


4. How do you feel about yourself?: "There's always something in the way/ There's always something getting through/ It's not me/ It's You/ Sometimes ignorance rings true/ But hope is not in what I know/ But it's not me/ It's You/ It's all I know/ I find peace when I'm confuzed/ I find hope when I'm let down/ It's not in me/ In You/ I hope to lose myself for good/ I hope to find it in the end/ Not in me/ In You/ It's all I know" (You)


"Wish I had what I needed/ To be on my own/ Coz I feel so defeated/ And I'm feeling alone/ And it all seems so helpless/ And I have no plans/ I'm a plane in the sunset/ With nowhere to land" (Let That Be Enough)


5. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush: "Everything I know/ Tells me she's everything that I could hope for/ Everything I know /Tells me I can't let her walk away" (Might have Ben Hur)


6. What would you rather be doing?: "I'd like to say hello/ I'd like to I care/ I'd like to let you know/ Nothing here's the same with me/ Nothing here's the same" (Don't Be There)


7. Describe where you live: "Nothing here's the same It's all a dream/ The life on the movie screen/ And I'm standing on the edge of my seat" (Edge of My Seat)


"Everyday it's the same thing/ Another trend has begun/ Hey kids, this might be the one" (New Way to Be Human)


"You can close your ears and your eyes but/ Pop will never leave you alone" (Poparazzi)


8. Describe how you love: "I took the time to find the words/ I hoped she'd feel the same" (Might Have Ben Hur)


9. Share a few words of wisdom: "Doubt you doubts, Believe your beliefs" (Ode to Chin)


I know that this is a lot more extensive than the other persons but I thought that I needed to put all of the lyrics that I did...They fit me like a glove. The next artist I'll do will be Breakfast Epiphanies! Not really...most (almost all) of those songs are already about me. Oh well maybe another day, yet another band. Probably when I'm bored like I am today. I thought I was working this week!! So I made no plans or intetions or anything!! Geez...such a hard life, eh? Right. Until then---

It is finished... At least the core of it is. Of course, I forget to tell you what "it" is. But that's ok I guess. I mean it's not like too many people read this anyway. I'm sure that they won't mind if they don't know what "it" is. You know, it's probably not all that important anyway. Or maybe it is...
Moving on... At the moment, I really have nothing to say. Maybe as the day wears on, I'll become part of that elite club of "interesting" that I am so far from being in I want to cry. Well not really...



about... the crying thing...



as in I'm not really going to cry...



not that I'm not really far from being in the elite club of "intersesting"...



coz that I am really...



far from, that is...



I'm going to cry! Until then---

Oh what?!... I got an interview at Lowes! I actually might get a job after all. I hope that it's simple coz I really don't know too much about all that hardware. Maybe I should have paid more attention to what my father was buying and what it was used for, etc. when we went out to buy stuff for our house. Oh well...I'll learn as I go along. I shouldn't have much of a problem considering that I am applying simply for cashier meaning I'll really just be doing a lot of customer service. I can handle that. At the interview, they kept asking about my past work environment. Through all of those questions, I realized how much I really enjoyed being a Martian. I miss working there...the discounts were great! Really though, the atmosphere was chill, like a musicians store should be. Hmmm....
I'm still thinking that playing on random sidwalks (obviously busy, random sidwalks) to earn money for stuff that Breakfast Epiphanies need would be a good idea. If not now, I could wait a few more weeks and we could all go out and play together...or some of us...what ever. I think that Grant should definitely get an acoustic bass so that we could all play. I imagine that sound...: geez, it's wonderfull. We'd be making money together doing something that we love. That's life right there!!! I mean there's probably a bit more to it than that, but overall that's a simple goal. Maybe not simple, but definitely a good one! I think that if it is on your heart (Personal belief: it's put there by the Holy Spirit) to do something that you may not even think that you're very good at, in my case it would be writing poetry/songs and putting music to them by playing guitar (I think I can write and play somewhat...but that's relative), you should go for it (Personal belief: if you let God take care of the details). Assuming this happened with everone, earth would be a rockin' place to live in. Not everone would be trying to be a CEO, or DR. Dude, or that DIRTY POP singer (*shudder*...pop...). They instead would be heading for things that they truly want to do and accomplish... (Personal belief: and you will be provided with all that you need, i.e. money, if you stay in Christ's teaching and listen to what the Lord says.)
Well I think that I'm going to jump down off of the soap dish now. I didn't mean to type your eyes off here, I was just going to mention "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!" Kidding... kidding. Dumb, I know... I know. Dorky... that's me! Anyway, the Breakfast Epiphanies site has a movie intro and that's about all I really wanted to say today. OH! and check it out! down below there's this thing asking, "need to comment?" yeah well if you click that then you can! Umm... yeah. Until then---

A morning ponder... Ok, so when I woke up and went to go use the "thinking chair", I was thinking about something that I heard, I can't remember where (not important enough I guess), but it is quite interesting. Just so everyone knows, I'm strongly against this statement, but it is quite a thinker... kind of a fun one for the day! Anyway: "Is sex premarital sex if you're not planning on getting married?" The way I see it, Yeah, but I wonder how many people believe that... That idea can transcend so many planes it's scary. Oh well...just a thought. Until then---

Black again... (I really meant to put black, but it has nothing to do with my skin color or anything... It's the name of an STP song!! Really!! Forget it...) The DSL has been down for a while and this is the first time that I've taken the time out from my busy day to appease my self with... myself. Anyway, job searching sucks! I don't think that its' ever been this hard for me to find a job... EVER!! I really do think that I need to stick with my guns and just go full core into the rock business. Yeah... good ol' rock. The way that they can be smoothed out by water, chiseled by sandy air, or created by liquid magma... just brings me to tears: *weep, cry, weep*. No, but really... for some time now I've been on this GOD-given mission to have a band that will make it. Hence the drive that I have and the money that I oh-so-over-faithfully spend on equippment that I need. But there's the dilemma: Where am I getting this money from? I'm so near to broke I don't know what to do. I can't just go out and play a show without a band... Or maybe I can... Well, ladies and gentlemen, I may have come across something that I can make an attempt at making money. I might try it... soon! I need dough and it seems a feasable attempt. I just need a corner to play at where there is a good amount of people willing to support their local (kind of) band. Well, I'm off to think of a good place. If any of you can think of any good places tell me please! Until then---

Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhh!!!! I've decided (and so have my finances) that I've really got to go out and get a job. I've never actually had to really look for one though!! I mean I've been really lucky when it comes to finding jobs, they usually fall into my lap. Since Mars Music (actually Marc Begalman, also former president of Office Depot, basically a rich-!$# mofo that just wants to make more money) decided to close the west coast stores in February, I've continued a jobless life. I think that that was my last easy application. WHY?!!!? Oh, WHY?!!!? I hate this!! It's one of those times that I need to grow that money tree that I've talked about since I was little...
So the difficult thing is (as I'm sure you all know) finding a job now that the rush of high schoolers is over. Right. Game over, please try again. The next hurdle: finding a job that you can tolerate for at least three months (any less and there is no way that they can be used to further your job searching capabilities later in life). Drink Sprite, play again. Dang it, Begalman!!!! Stupid rich person!!! They need to get lives. He should pay for my tuition!! That's it!!... I lose...FATALITY. Enough of that. I go out tomorrow to actually really look and hopefully find. "Well I guess this is growing up." (yeah, yeah cheesy...I'm over it). Until then---

Something funny... This one kind of goes out to Aaron: If zombies were made of cheese and you made a movie about zombies and, of course, having to kill them (again) you could call it Cut the Cheese!!! Yeah I'm an idiot, but that was the first thing in my head this morning so I had to share. Until then---

More lyrics... Look, I know that you probably don't want to see song lyrics to songs that you haven't heard, but hopefully you will hear and be delighted that "I," as in you, "was one of the first to know them!!" Aww how sweet but I think that my thoughts are more wrapped up in song and/or poetry, a lot alike in most, if not all, cases. In light of Grant's contest, I've come across lyrics that I wrote about two weeks ago but it semi-relates to some of the stuff being debated...or not. Whatever, here are the lyrics (the song sounds tight!!):
Reality
You're lost inside a dream
You're stuck within a world
You're left to be alone
Exiled in your home
You feel the fall of dark
You're pressed against the floor
You're here beyond a curse

Can you find your reality?
Is it lost in the wind?
Hold on to the Stronghold
It's the end and your begin

You don't know what you stand for
And you don't care to know
You don't know what to believe
It doesn't feed your soul
You feel the fall of dark
You're pressed against the floor
You're blessed beyond a curse
And you don't even know

Can you find your reality?
Is it lost in the wind?
Hold on to the Stronghold
It's the end and your begin

Until then---

Tonight, song lyrics... Preview to a song that I just wrote. I don't have much else to say and I want to say something. So here it is:
Follow
I drive the streets alone
I'm farther from my home
Yet I'm as close as I'll ever be
Cars pass me by
For You I will try
For You I...I'll follow

I'll go where You take me
Lead me from here
Let me away from my pain
I'll follow, I'll follow

I ride along the road
With promises I'm told
But I know this time they're all for me
You take your time
Some say it's a crime
That what they need may have to hurt them

I'll go where you take me
Lead me from here
Let me away from my pain
I'll follow, I'll follow

Until then---

The Breakfast Epiphanies site is up!!!... Mostly. It looks a lot cleaner, etc. so I'm willing to have it shown off. Things work much better too! Tell all!! Breakast Epiphanies.net is here! Until then---

Brasil wins fifth! As a soccer fan and as a soccer player, I could see this being an important day. As someone that lives in the western hemisphere, I could definitely see that game as not being very important seeing how I would have had to stay up way past my bedtime!! But the first thing that I did once I figured out where I was this morning (that is a good and normal thing to do...You don't want to be lost and falling over things, right?) was check on the coverage done by Yahoo. They did a good job of making sure that people could know what was up with World Cup soccer. At least they seemed to have truly cared. I swear, I don't think that I heard anything about the tournament on local (barely national!) news once the US was out of it.
It was even funny, but slightly disturbing, when I was watching the last game of the "Subway Series" during interleague play earlier and the commentators said, "Brasil is like the Yankees of the World Cup." They then went on to figure out who Ronaldo's equivalent would be on the Yankees. Look more power to the Yanks for being as good as they are, but for either of those teams to be compared like that is just wrong somehow. I think that if they are to be compared the Yankees are the Brasil of the MLB, but I still don't think that it's right. Maybe it has a little do to with the fact that I don't like the New York (AL) (excepting Robin Ventura, Why is he there?!?) but I really do respect them since they earned there way to where they are. They are just too good. Whatever...I'm over it but that comment is going to forever be something that I won't like about the ESPN commentator that spoke those words. Oh well, what can you do? Congratulations to Brasil, and to the rest of the world: Maybe in four... Until then---

Time to be more frequent. Life gives some tough choices. Like right now, I could be sleeping but instead I'm here typing at his infernal CPU (I actually like this thing too much) trying to think of something that I really want to get out in the open...At least to myself. I don't know why, but before I left dropping off my girlfriend at her apartment, I was definitely planning to sleep immediately(?). Well that didn't happen obviously and here I am, rambling away.
Now, in all honesty I know that I don't have anything of interest to say to anyone almost ever. This weblog is definitely no exception. When I started this, I'd planned to learn some web design stuff, which I did but it has almost become too much of a hobby especially since I can't do it well enough to get paid to design stuff for anyone else, but I mostly wanted to keep my friends and family up with what I'm up too and what's going through my mind. By now I'm quite sure that I am one of one person that reads this, but that's ok coz I'm boring anyway. My updates have always been paled by my dorm roommates, Grant and Aaron's, weblogs updates because of their uncanny ability to write well. The one thing that I at least think I'm good at when it comes to liturature, poetry, still doesn't spark interst in those that that would read any of our sites. And when I don't have an audience, I, as the entertainer, lost interest and stopped regularly updating. Sux? Ubetchagolly it does! I've foudn though that this is a good outlet for anything that I want out there so I've decided to keep this going for a long as I have and I hope to continue to update this for as long as I can. Maybe with some changes, and a little growing up (not too much, I still am working at being a pro guitarist in Breakfast Epiphanies so I've still got to dream...), I'll be able to write these weblogs with regularity and style that is interesting to the oblivious reader. We'll see what happens. Until then---

2+2=3. Yeah that's what a Christian relationship should look like. Simple math really. Figure it out and get it back to me ASAP. Until then---

Why???!!? I'm so feaking tired, I'm seeing things. I'm going to sleep now. Until then---

Vacation is now over...! Well I'm back from Ohio and, no, I didn't get to update while I was there. That's quite obvious really... Well I'd like to say that the east coast is an adventure. These last two weeks were the second time that I've been out past Arizona and only my second round-trip flight (and I haven't done any one-way...). It was good times though.
One word of advice for anyone planning to go to Florida (the road-trip from Cleveland that Faye and I made...good times...): DON'T. It's just hot and muggy down there all of the time. Sure, the whole road trip down there I was thinking about Home Alone 2 when the family is totally rained in while in Miami, but I wasn't planning on duplicating the movie! The only cool thing that I can say about fatty storms is that you can actually watch them roll in. Let me just say that from the 20th floor in a hotel it looked like a wall of water like out of a movie just ingulfing buildings. FAT RAIN! FAT FAT FAT FAT RAIN!! I don't believe that we can get that sort of rain here in California, unless Grant can prove me wrong... Do the storms get like that in Northern Cali? I don't know...and I don't plan on staying up there long enough to find out! A lot of the people up there truly scare me... it's like the east coast on the west coz a lot of the people on the east scared me, too. That reminds me, the road trip was near traumatizing(?)(what the heezy?) due to us having to go through all of thos southern states. I was honestly scared to get pulled over for being black. I know that it happens so I am very weary of it. What makes it more scary is that Faye is white so I could get into more trouble somehow. Don't ask me how the system works...I know that there are a lot of racists down there although I couldn't pick one out just driving by, but knowledge that has been passed to me is to just be careful and being careful makes me shiver. The unsteady hand prevails...! Well of to foreign dreams of Argentina, their World Cup victory, and the llamas on the west side. Until then---