so i got home from work today and it's annoying coz the one thins that i don't want to do is think about you and i do. it's the same thing everyday...for a while now. but today's a bit different because of some of the things that i was saying/implying last night. basically though, i started to use time right when i got home to read and pray, but i can't focus... i need to do something about my thoughts. so here i am.
i wish that you were someone else. i wish that you were less truthful to me, just lie or tell me half-truths or something. i wish that you didn't trust me. i wish that you never cared. i wish that you were less cute, or not at all. i wish that you were just another girl, but you're not. and that's my problem. for if you were, you would have kicked me out of your life like you should have by now. i would be able to get over the need to heed to your parents wishes. i would be able to get over you like you have to me. i'm finding this situation to be a lesson in patience, or in discernment. i don't know which and that's the problem. if it's discernment alone, i must just leave you on your own right now...coz you're not alone, but i need to be. if it's patience alone, i should never complain about this anymore, and just hope for the future that you have no hope in and/or don't see. if it is both, i'm sorry for you, coz i know that i'll be the cranky, dumb, moody me that you've come to know for the past few months. the me i don't like and you don't deserve. i think that i'm done for the moment and i'll get back to what i need to be doing, but i needed to say something, and i guess that was it. until then---