Right now I smell like smoke and you weren't even there. I'm going to vent for a second. Maybe it's not really venting but it getting something out that I'm just so confuzed about. I don't know what's going on; with me with you, us. I haven't even had a chance to really talk with you since you've been home. All I know is that when you left, we were on the "we're not sure" and "let's wait on God for this time away" terms and we're supposed to see what's up now that you're back. I'll just say that it's messing me up. With some of the other stuff that's going on with me, I just don't know what to think when you say you'll call me and don't get around to it. At the same time, I know you're busy and I don't want to impose on that. That is definitely mutual understanding. You seem excited when I call you but phone conversation is never as real as face-to-face. I need to be able to talk to you everyonce in a while. It's not like you're on another country anymore which was hard enough. But I know...I"m supposed to be waiting to see what God wants to do. Well I want to know if what I heard matched up with what you heard! I just feel as though I'm losing it; myself, and all that I know God has planned, coz I know that I'm not always in tune with what God wants for me. I feel like I'm habitually screwing His plans for me up. I don't want this to be another one...another screw up. I don't like being a failure especially for the One who has been there for me since forever. I'm just wondering where we stand...that's all. I know my side, but I think, somehow, I've ruined it... I've failed... somehow... again. Until then---