things are good. not great - well maybe in some areas of my life. it seems few are that great. but i'm off my focus. not that life's been dull, but i'm still looking for more. it's a sad existence to walk into your job wanting to be clocking out. it's even more sad that i don't really hate my job; i just am frustrated with it. i also know that my heart's not in it. but i'm honest with myself: i know that most people in their dull existences don't have the luxury of choice; they don't believe they have the opportunities to break from their cookie-cutter lives fashioned for them by forces unseen. or their bosses.
this isn't s self help course. or a pep talk for anyone. it where i am. "we were meant to live for so much more, if we lost ourselves..." i need to get lost again. responsibility shouldn't tie me down: it should free me to live. it's my responsibility to do what i feel my heart is intent on doing. some people like to be cookies. i want to be freaking creme brulee. with chocolate. lots of chocolate.
it's a simple task, but i've got a problem finishing. i'm a song writer, but maybe i'm just fifteen sixteenths of one. that's all i can get done lately. i have eyes on something else, or distractions of another song, or thought. i need to slow the rats running in my head. they scamper from side to side. i should buy them more stationary wheels. or tubes!
i've got about seven drafts of posts from the last three months that i've not gotten to. i think they'd be really interesting to follow up on. wouldn't you like to know? or not.
basically, i've learned to love again and be loved for being me. i don't have to fit anyone elses picture of success, or even better, be the color they want me to be. so what if i came out the oven a bit later than you and your family? i'm still a person!
but doesn't it come down to love? it can always go back to that foundation. agape. people use it without knowing what it means, confusing it with eros or philos. or worse not seeking to employ its majesty at all. but it's a root of humanity. ok screw you, it's part of mine and i'm projecting. what of it?
i have no clue why i started to write this. i wish i could call this a drunken rant. it's not. i guess i just wanted to finish something tonight. i love you all. until then---