ThougHTs WHile StARing at A Wall

...or while staring at a license plate holder that reads:

GOD

BLESS AMERICA

i began rapidly thinking about the opposite possibility: GOD DAMN AMERICA

then i began thinking about the differences in inflection and punctuation that makes very cool things possible. between the both of these statements, there are many changes in meaning and tone that can occur. the same three words can make you a nice person, a sarcastic person, a "godly" person, a hater, and on and on. i'm interested to see what people come up with... i think that there's one that i'd like to see America truly use... it'll be better than bombs. until then---

"The Screwtape Letters", a brilliant collection of letters compiled (and written) by Clive Staples Lewis, is quite a work. like "Mere Christianity," it deals with many of the same simplicities of Chritianity but in a fashion much more cynical of very specific courses of life. even more cynical is the piece "Screwtape Proposes a Toast" that was written later as a separate work (only a few pages long) from the 'letters' but uses the same cynical character to be the face of his own voice. i just finished reading these both and wish that i could prove to be as brilliantly poised in my cynicism as Lewis has proven to be. i don't know that everyone that has read his work has come to fully understand what he was saying, but i must say that however much of his criticisms of the world and religions of his day were true, i can definitely find him to be prophetic in much of his writing as i see that the majority of it has strong ties to the truths of todays society. i may give more specifics on a later date, but i'm just going to suggest a read of both of these works: i don't see how anyone would not feel a need to make a change after doing so. until then---

i'm scared of myself... or should i be proud? i'm turning business savvy, i think? SAVE THE ABBEY!! until then---

so i've been reading Clive Staples Lewis' "Mere Christianity" slowly through the summer and more rapidly recently. i started it on the plane to Japan didn't read it much while there or much right when i returned to the states but i've been free to read quite a bit while i'm at work care taking... or on call to care take. (i've got free time, hence the plethora of updates.) Anyway, i acquired the book from the then soon to be Mrs. Choate because she wasn't for the style in which the book was written. i didn't really think that i'd get the chance to read it as soon as i did, but i've been wanting to read it for quite some time. it was a part of a long list of other books that i have yet to read and constantly forget that i want to buy or check out so that i can read them...

anyway, although i am not quite finished, i definitely have enjoyed reading this book. it is interesting to find things that plenty of people around me have probably picked out from this text to apply in their own lives or to preach at others. there are plenty of things in here that i have taken from others to apply to my own life and to preach to others. the first thing like this that i can remember is early on in the book when Lewis is comparing a world where people's morals led them to admire those that ran away in battle or someone that sells out his closest friends to a world where 2+2=5. for those that are into radiohead (or maybe even not into them) you would recognize that from their 2005(?) release, Hail to the Thief. and being that Lewis is well renown in the world outside of Christianity, i believe that Thom Yorke may be referencing this passage and may have possibly read this book sometime in his past. who knows? but i began thinking a lot more about it and immediately hooked my attention more closely to what was being said.

C.S. Lewis just seems to have a way to explain things so simply as if it were common knowledge, but often very obviously states that it is not... even in the Christian world. something that i read today struck me when i paired it with what i was reading yesterday. Lewis spends time making effort to explain his view on the existence of God being outside of time; that God sees everything (all time) as the present. today i was reading more about the the role of Jesus and how He had always been just as God has always been. i began thinking of the people that get stuck on the "problem" of any God followers that died before Christ came into the world as a man and died for everyone to free them from salvation. also, in the same vein, if God knew already that humanity was going to fall and that we were going to need salvation from the death of His Son why didn't he remedy the situation from the start? well, if you think about the idea that God sees everything as the present, He did in fact solve the problem from the start. just another thing that we (generally) don't give God enough credit for. He knows all, but we manage to limit Him with our own limitations. yeah, let's make God restricted by his creation... right. until then---

my shirt today reads:

FACT:
Because the weather is very good today, it turns through the mountain path comfortably by cab
Music to be left to the ears is thought to be important even now

profound??? oh well. i love the shirt and that's why i bought it. until then---

oh and i finally can take a shower after almost a week of not being able to (my last shower was on friday... also LAST MONTH!). hurray, no more french baths! until then---

i was listening to recordings this morning of riffs and songs that Kindred Fall has been working on and i realized that i can't really stand the sound of my voice. it's weird for me to think about that now that i'm approaching a quarter-century of my life, but every time i heard my voice talking (not singing, mind you), i sort of cringed. what the heck? i've been hearing my voice recorded for almost as long as i've been alive, but now i find this out: my voice is annoying. i just wanted to apologize. until then---

ever been to "blah blah" land? it's way worse than "la la" land because at least there everything is cool and sometimes a new stimulant introduces itself to my existance. "blah blah" is where i find myself. this place is going through motions or at least feeling like every motion that you may think is innovatinve or going somewhere takes you ablsolutely nowhere. oddly enough, this is not a cry for help of sorts (i need attention! friends come save me from the bustling doldrums!). rather it's just a state that i find myself and i'm jsut puzzled as to how i've gotten here.

somehow i wandered in to "blah blah" unknowing of the oddities of its existance. i'm managing to get by doing most of the things that i'd like to be doing at this time. not many people can say that right after graduating... well, anything. i've got an interestingly good relationship with my girlfriend of three years (i don't have to explain myself, i love her beyond my own death). and i've got great frindships that are also very interesting, to say the least. so if i'm being entertained, or am at least interested in the life i've come to know as my own, why the hell do i feel like i'm in "blah blah"?

maybe there is no proper answer and this land is just a place that passes over periodically just to make me question everything in my life and maybe make a change that i don't really want, or on the flip side, that i really do want and have suppressed it. idunno, but it's weird. i'm having trouble writing (in general... i guess this is going ok...) because i can't really string thoughts together long enough before i realize that "i don't know anything about this! what is this about anyway?" and i drop the idea like a bad habit.

well i sure hope that this passes over. i don't like being in "blah blah" when reality is quite good. maybe i'm stretching too hard for something unattainable. i wouldn't know. i can't think of anything i want with life that's completely out of my reach. until then---