so this is love, i think as i'm sitting in my papsan, girlfriend laying curled up on me like a cat - so beautiful. it's 26 centigrade outside, but it feels about 30 in my room, and with her laying there it feels like about 34 - i'm sweating a bit. it's uncomfortable, but so soothing. she's just happy to lay there sleeping as i run many many thoughts though my mind like as to how i'm going to move my leg without waking her - my foot is asleep by now - but i also feel that sense of happiness. calm. it's something that i really haven't felt in a while in a relationship that has been tumultuous due to bigotry that you'd hope never to encounter. not in southern california. not with educated people. but it's there, still ever-present in a society in need of a transplant of priority. in a society in need of some unconditional attention. an "economy of mercy," as i've once heard it called, i think describes it well. this economic thought runs deep. no religion, no morals, no agenda. but it's common. we all feel it, even if we're loaded with cash or stuff that can turn into cash. problem is the ones that can actually see it are afraid of the ones they believe are the only that can do anything about it and the ones that only feel it can afford to numb the sensation. a lot like my foot... numb. but even that is uncomfortable. it's uncomfortable to see the world around me being taken over by a way that i don't see as my own and i don't think anyone should be forced into. if you want it, it can be there, but "not everyone is meant to go to college" - i heard that somewhere, too. not everyone is meant to be wallowing in debt, forced into work that their self would have knocked out for even thinking the notion. there is widespread belief that you cannot affect change. i say, you can't tell me what i can and cannot do, but that's another discussion. change is positive is you want it to be, negative if you want it to be. someone else's change for good may be a change for your bad. i see our commonalities to be beyond good and bad. this is beyond religion, morals, agendas. there's something about being uncomfortable for a few minutes while the woman who will love you forever takes a little nap. it's been a long day. we all need it once in a while. until then---