"Dream a dream so big that if you just get half of it, you'll still do okay. But don't hesistate. Dream big, man. Throw it out there. Lay out in bed at night and think about the biggest dream you can in you field and prepare yourself to do it. If you can see it, you can be it."

that is a quote from Quincy Jones (if you don't know who he is, look him up...very important person to music). i've been mulling over that one for a while... it's the quote of the month in my school planner, so i've had a while to sit one it. since the month's almost over i guess i should have something down by now...

"Dream a dream so big..." i don't think that i could live without my dreams. they give me hope. i know that they have to come from somewhere and for some reason, so i need to pay attention to them. i have weird dreams though, and the one that i'm chasing now, i've been chasing since middle school. i think that scares me more than anything else is that fact that i've been chasing for so long, what will it be like to catch it? i do sit up at night and dream/think of the biggest thing that i want to do, and i don't know if i'll ever get there, let alone be moving any closer to it. for being so focused in my consious as to what i've been chasing, i don't seem to be getting any headway. i know and believe that i'll get done what GOD wants me too, and also know that he give us the desires of our hearts, minds, spirit... so HE wouldn't do this to me in vain. but at the same time, what is in vain to me, may not be to Him. what He may place in my mind, i guess i may never achieve, but it will drive me to where He wants me to be. for me, either i'm blind or too needy, but i feel that i need some sort of reassurance that i'm headed the right direction. i know that my life was never meant to be easy, and i've come to terms with that somewhat, but i would like to have some way of knowing that this will come to something that i've had on me for years and years. i've gained and lost (definitely, at least in their closeness) many great friendships because of my choices to follow this dream... it takes a lot more time and i can't spread myself anymore thin than i already have been.. or can i and i'm just not trusting enough? i don't know at all.. never have. probably never to say i do... i guess i could work on that. more trust. more faith. though (as i've said before) i have faith that GOD will come through for me, and that He won't put me in a place that i'm not stong enough to get out of, buti never know when i'm being tested in my resiliance, or in my patience. try that one for size. until then---