sometimes you have to wonder: how much change can someone handle at one time? so many things in my livfe have changed dramatically over the past year that it's crazy. then these past couple months have exponentially changed more, and these past few weeks...

i'm really just getting to the point that i don't know how much i can handle. and like i said a couple of weeks ago when i was talking about God not going to bail me out this time, i'm still at that point. i believe still that He won't give me anything that i cannot handle, but when the problems of my life affect others' lives, that's when i can't take it anymore. i'm at the point right now that i don't know if i'm ever going to get the reimbersement check from Chapman for my loan that i just took out so that i could pay for "extrenuous(?) school costs." i should be doing literally 'all right', but i'm finding more and more things to be scared of like this and time is creeping up on me like a cold autumn wind. i'd like to think that my spiritual life is much better than it was even a couple of weeks ago, but i've not really gotten the teaching that i'm used to getting every week just about, nor am i haveing the fellowship with some loved ones that i feel to be a neseccity. it suck even more when i'm so busy, and i set a specific time aprat for that, and it just can happen. there's always so much to think about. my brain doesn't stop, and i get depressed when i think of the state of things... not for me, but for all of us. and the fact is, i know that there are others much worse off than i am. and that's where i'm stuck: how can i feel this way about myelf when there are so many others that don't even have it this good? until then---

yeah i know that this is unconvetional being that i live right up the street from the "Big A", but finally...! THe White Sox are in the World Series!! after gme two , it wasn't even a battle anymore. i think that the Angels rolled over on this one. All i can say is, root the Sox on if you got beat by them... (that means the lot of you, hehe, sweet..) oh and i guess you can send all your "i hate the Chi Sox" mail to me for now.. i just wanna read it, and be happy that there can be such mail after 88 years of not having the privilege. that's all. until then---

i know that it's been years since i've updated the look of this page, butfor some reason the old script wasn't working anymore, and you couldn't read anything. not so good. i had to change it, and i'm sad. the old layout was much more simple and i liked it that way. but some things have to change i guess...

so i was just randomly thinking about me and most of my friends and how most of us are lucky enough to have traveled a bit of the world and have even picked out places that we'd rather be outside of this country. i must say at this point that i don't think that it's a lack of love for our own country (at least entirely), but more out of our consiousness of what the U.S. looks like to the rest of the world and we don't want to be a part of that. i don't know... besides places in europe are so cultured in something based not in gain as much as they are in... culture, i guess. idunno. just a tidbit of my thought and not very organized or put together... but how is that any different than any of my other posts? until then---

well i'm sitting here and i've decided to come back to this page that i've not been to in far too lang. i think by now all the thousands of people that used to come to this site are finally gone and i can finally just write. (right, and not like i wanted it anyway). i've really nothing to say, like usualy. not even a good story. i'm felling kinda sick... screwy in the head from it, and it's not too fun. i'm consistently tired, and it may have to do with the late nights with my girlfriend but i fall asleep there... that's why it turns into such a late night. anyway, i hate being sick. i'm flat broke at the moment, and it's scary. i'm actually very frightened at the idea that God may not help me out with a miraculous appearance of money this time. i'm in a huge hole and i need to find a way out. my girlfriend is trying her hardest to help me out, but i'm stubborn and besides, she should have to do such a thing... or even want to to the extent that she is. i love her so much. she truly cares for me in a way that i can't comprehend. if only her parants care about what she thought about anything the way she cares form me. that's a fun topic. anyway, i think thati'm done for now. i hope to stop by more often. ciao. until then---