i heard my first real emergency brodcast system interruption on the radio yesterday. it was kinda cool, but kinda freaky, coz it seemed as though i was the only one that heard it. even if it was for the city you were in (and it doesn't specify for a while) wouldn't you just be a little wary of what's going on? maybe it was just on that station and noone else was listening. oh well, but that's a precursor to the weather that we've been having the past two days. this may be the one storm that we have all year. it's kinda freaky cool. i know that weather patterns are all screwed up coz a friend told me that there were tornado warnings for Catalina Island. what the deuce? the weather has been soooo east coast out here. it's been really really windy and the rain... is actually musch closer to looking like real rain! it has volume and everything! it's not mist! this should top it off though: so last night i went to bed to the sound of loud rain and wind. and woke up to the normal weekday sounds of someone working on a house (e.g. powersaw), and the sun! alright. the storm's gone, right? haha, nope. suddenly the wind picks up a bit and huge, fat rain drops begin falling. no more powersaw.
i'm excited about this weather for some odd reason. i guess it gives me a reason to stay inside instead of me just doing it in spite of the sunny weather. but i'd like to be up in the mountains now. i'd be diggin' the snowfall that is probably chillin' up there. oh well it's cool. i played board games over the internet with my good friend. that's fun. it' as good as it gets with them since they can't come and actually hang out (which really sux), but it was fun. good times. boardgames and rain. what a combo. for the record: it stopped raining again. until then---

plumbers are here working on the showers coz mine's been tripping out and the landlord decided to fix them both. i forgot how bad soldering smells. my head hurts now. the plumbers are comedy though. today i've had to remember not to store my treasures on earth where thieves steal. thieves being the bank. they jacked me for more than i'm worth an i'm pissed about it. i just went and paid it off since i'm already being charged $5 a day on top of the accrued charges. i hate money.
so preparing for Kindred Fall's big recording extravaganza is already crazy. i don't even know what i can do anymore. chapman u. (where we're recording... sound's like freshman year) is pretty much closed down for another week, so checking out the facilities is out of the question. people said that they were down with the practice dates and recording dates, but knowing them i feel as though i need to be with them the whole time reminding them. i know for sure that more than one of them will forget and then, all of a sudden, won't be able to make it. that's just the way it's been so far and i have no reason to doubt that it will happen again. i'm preparing all the songs and making sure they're playable and thinking about what i may want instrumentally and tempos and blah and blah. good stuff, but i'm pretty much done with what i can do by myself. (good ol' metronome.) and last night... well all yesterday all i did was work on the Breakfast Epiphanies and Kindred Fall sites and i'm thinking that things are finally coming together better on those...more so the KF site, but there's a lot more to the BE site than when i can do all at once. arrrrgh. i'm out. until then---

i just want you to know that God loves you more than anyone ever will... including them. i can't stand to see you like this... or hear you. which ever, i care for you too much to just sit back and listen. active listening is where it's at i tell you. please, don't let them get you down. you're beautiful and have got a lot going for you. patience. remember that God has you first and foremost. paul wrote to us "don't let them look down on you because you are young, but rather be an example." adn even though he said for us to "obey them, coz it is right," they are not to upset, aggravate, agitate, anger, annoy, bug, disturb, or embitter us but bring us up in the ways of the Lord. what i've learned is that it almost never lines up when we want it to and that the first part always out-weighs the second. but in that, we cannot be discouraged. remember the Truth and things will be fine. God is bigger than this and always has and always will be. as long as we learn from the moments like this rather than abhor and leave behind, we will grow strong. and there is much in that. until then---

i don't know if this has ever been a great time of the year. well maybe it once was... before i had a life, and before i came to college. it's just a weird thing. "i don't know what i'm doing for the hoidays people! and i don't really care." maybe that's not entirely true, but i'm starting to be a scrooge. i miss being able to hang out with all of my family on the holidays. and now that they're not here, none of my relatives get together. i'm kinda bitter about that actually. why is it that my family is the only reason that my relatives come together for holidays...? well and kwanzaa, but i'm not starting that rant now... at this point, the holidays has just become a time that lose time to hang out with people tat have really been making an impact on my every-day life. i miss them every year at this time. it was way cool for thanksgiving this year to go to Catalina and hang out with my friend Kyle's family for about a week. that was great. i was still missing key personnel but was so fun! idunno. at this point, all that i really want to do for the holidays is figure out Kindred Fall's bass and drummer situation, write music, lay down scratch tracks for the recording that we're doing in january, and try not to get bored. i need to get money for rent in january and i have no clue where that'll come from. got to register for classes but have no clue why it won't let me finish doing that! (ie. i started already!) anyway, c'est la vie, eh? until then---

so i've decided that i'm going to start going crazy if i don't start to write again. hello. i'm writing a bit again. here it is. it's been for too long since i've used this infernal wonderosity, and i'm still making up words and not making any sense. i don't know what i'm doing with myself these days. in my mind i believe that i'm going on the right track. i'm doing my best to be doing what makes me tick: music. but with what avail. yes, i know, "famine before feast" but it's been a long famine, and it has been a very hard one. i'm having fun, at times. but at risk of losing all of what's left of my sanity. maybe that's what i have to lose: my sanity. i'll get attention that way. people will listen if not for a bit. people are attracted to the odd, the different, as long as it doesn't interfere with their "OC." what does this make of me; a young man with a brain thinking of the things of philosophes of old, while still with the mentality of a 2-year old, trying to follow God and spread His love how He wants me to (i.e. most effectively), failing at not falling in love with girls that may (realistically) not be it for me. i don't know. my life is a mess. rent is due, and my jobs consist of putting up Christmas lights, and doing yard work. so much for making money as a musician. i spend much more time on music stuff, but with no change as far as i can see. my only fans are people that i swear are just being nice... my friends... all few of them. i love them to death, but i don't know about their honesty abotu it. they all know it's so important to me, and i think that they think that i'll be crushed if they just tell me the truth. that i'm already washed up, i'll never make it, and that my music never had potential, and to get a real f*ing job.

i'm just confused. i should have never left san diego, or maybe never left my parents and traveled with the fam. idunno. just pray, eh? hmm. until then---