There's a reason why I'm drawn to you. I just can't put my finger on it. I also can never say what I really want to. I'm worse than you females. Hinting without hinting yet waiting for a reply. I disgust myself. Those blue eyes... beautiful blue eyes that daunt me and stare at me when I do something stupid. Or when you do and have no clue. It's cute. And you're funny, and you don't know it. I'm not including the times that you're really not trying to be funny but are rather confused. You can seriously be funny. It's cool. So where this is we will never be again - it's ever changing. hopefully never farther than the day before. Just knowing you is fun. To know you better is to be... I don't know. I'll have to see. It's not me, it's you. Someday I'll open my mouth and you'll know it, too. Until then---

something for tonight

i've come to know
all that I
should be depraved
of all the things
i seem to find
of all the things
i want to need
i seem to bleed
though not as much as You
when i remember

i've come to know
some parts of me
i want to be
naked and free
to show me just me
and you just you
in something i can't see
won't ever see
cos there is no more
just less of me

depraved unworthy
allowed to be
just to be for You
and nothing greater
i feel i hate her
i feel i what who
i know i love you
for what i don't know
and that i can't show
not given time
to make me have again

Until then---

So I just have one question? Why is it that my "friends" don't call me to hang out... ever? Just a question...
Transmission from a Lonely Friday Night.
i sit here
alone and thinking
alone unthinking
beliving what seems to be
what leads to the
feeling of empty truths
that mean
i mean
they take my mind away
so much goes through
i read into the little things too much
and not into You enough
there's no hope in what's here
for me
when i look
there it shows to me
the only way
out there
out where
somewhere out where
where i never could be
could never fit
and so it sit and think
alone i think
"i'm alone"

Until then---

Why is it that every time that I update this thing I'm skipping class...? It's 11:30 and I decided in my Human Nutrition lab this morning that I wasn't going to the lecture. Don't ask why...I'm on break already. So uh..it's been awhile. I guess I've been going to class, ha ha. Well I have a lot to catch up on don't I? Quick details:
Halloween day went thriftin' with A.C. (Aaron, Aaron's roomate..he he), he was dressing as Wilson from Home Improvment, I ended up being Samuel L. Jackson, aka One Bad Ass Motha F@#$a, in his leisure clothes. Just roamed the night away, and saw "The Ring" (funny movie) and "28 Days Later" (could have only been more awesome if Samuel L. Jackson was in it...basically movie=awesome) and hung out with some friends til late...ah Halloween.
On the 5th of this month, I finally got another job. (Yay money!) Especially important coz there's no more soccer games. (Less money, booo...) It's a tutoring job for high schoolers, easy $9/ hr. I still need to find more work though...
7th of this month: SAN DIEGO! SWITCHFOOT! I finally got to go home after a long time of not being there. A.C. came with me. It's a very scary place right now...at least to me. The devastation from the fires really put me into shock. I couldn't bear to drive into areas where I knew that there were lost homes. The smell of burning was still in the air, as well as smoke and this was a week later...it sucked. We went by my Alma mater it was Home coming...good times...yet weird. The peeps that were frosh my senior year are seniors now. Weird. Anyway, Switchfoot! Got to see them for the first itm since they've been signed down at Soma. Great show. Things have definitely moved up for them. They are still such an inspiration. On the drive back, A.C. and I were making plans to play and get on the same page...for real, no messin' around. We'll be coming up with stuff very soon. Will keep you posted.
On the same note, David and I played the other day and he's stepped it up. It's been a month since I've played with him and I think that may have been a good thing. He's gotten a lot better. I can actually see me playing with him now and not just dragging him along in hopes that he'll work things out. Ladies and Gentlemen, we may have a band...
Remember Samson. 24 hour Men Madness, November 14 was awesome.
Well not much yet on the day. I'll keep on posting. Until then---