on this last friday before i turn 30, i'm doing everything i can to not think about the fact that i'm going to be OLD. well, at least that's what my younger self considers that age to be.

i can remember 13 years ago when i was so upset that i didn't already have a recording contract.

man, i knew nothing then.

but even so, there's a large part of me that really wishes that that had been a reality for me. i'm curious as to what that would have looked like. but then i think about the experiences that i've had since then that have indeed been priceless.

the fact now that i can easily see that i'm a work in progress. and that i wouldn't be happy if i wasn't continually being a project of my own being. consistently trying to refine and define what i've come to know as the essence of ME.

30 years.

i look and see that i'm still in love with music. in love with the talents that are so God breathed it's crazy and knowing that i have to cultivate them so they continue to flourish. 16 year old me realized that he knew so little about music, but didn't know what that meant.

to be honest i still don't know what that means. and i still know so little.

but i do know that i've grown.

i look and see that i have a propensity for loving people - usually to the point of wearing myself thin - in an organizational manner more often than not.

but even with that, i somehow feel very alone just as well.

when i was younger (by that this time i mean up to last year) i figured that by now i'd be married, probably with a kid by now.

not happening in four days.

at this point, i'm hard-pressed to find a date for anything that i may want to do with... you know... a date.

at this point though - and why i found myself wanting to mark this somehow - i hope to continue to age gracefully. really, that's more than good enough for me.

i know that my days are finite. i don't know when they will end. so i will continue to do what i love and be who i am. all the while i'll be refining and defining more and more.

i'll reach whatever is set for me when the time comes.

until then---

yup. another post on the internet about Chik-Fil-A is a brewing. [WARNING: this may be LONG.]

i'm not saying i've posted about them before. i have, however, written quite a lot about what this post is really going to touch on: Christians failing Christianity. Chik-Fil-A is just my vessel this time and, obviously, super relevant at the moment. i'll take the easy chance when i can.

quick background for those that don't know: i grew up in the church... not just in it, but heavily involved. in the church band, performing special music, helping lead my youth group, AWANAS, etc., and continued this through college, and am now finally back with a church i can call home. my faith is an important part of my life and fellowship with those that share in the Christian faith is an important part of it for me.

however, something about my upbringing that may differ from how a lot of people that proclaim Christianity is they didn't have a mother like mine that pushed her children to question and critically think about things we were told to believe in or that were to be construed as fact. (fun fact: my father wasn't as much of a fan of this...)

that being said, i'll move on.

the 'battle of the chicken sandwich' has brought much ire upon our faith (that and all the other atrocities that have been proclaimed in the name of Christ, but i digress) and much of the backlash from both sides are wildly out of hand.

my first reaction to the statements made by Chik-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy were not really of shock that he believes them - as he's very much so from the Bible belt - but that he would say them at all. i mean, even i know that's a subject to avoid when you're top brass - it's quite a tender spot everywhere in the world.

then there's another part of me that thinks, 'well, he's standing up for his own personal beliefs, which is what he was asked about. his company doesn't actually reflect any of these beliefs outside of their fine service to ANYONE and EVERYONE and (i assume) fine treatment of their employees without discrimination.' from there i decided 'no harm, no foul but people are going to blow this up like crazy.'

and that they did.

in the midst of that explosion there has been quite a many things said on both sides that were spot on, some just funny/ridiculous, and some that were definitely far off the mark. (i will refrain from these details, as i'm sure you can find them everywhere if you look on twitter, tumblr, reddit, facebook, etc...) but after the weekend - of which i wasn't glued to a computer nor even my phone as much as normal (thankfully) - i come back to a facebook post from a friend that was a link to upworthy.com. watch the videos if you have time. they're not long.

the one thing that i took from Ms. Pearce is that Chik-Fil-A actually gives money to organizations that lobby for anti-gay policy!

this was the first bit of important information that i'd gotten out of this battle. as far as i'm concerned, this now means that i've supported these same organizations every time i've purchased a delicious Chik-Fil-a sandwich!

now, as you may recall, i started this whole thing about me - of course. my choices (and non-choices) growing up regarding my faith and a lot of the people that i choose to associate myself with. i've long shied away from being considered one of the "Christian kids" because they were radically different in their beliefs from me. a lot of things that they believed (and still believe) were drastically different and, in my studies, even contradictory to what we should be believing in. a lot of that comes from the "do as your told" or "believe what i (the parent) believe" or "respect your elders/your elders are always right" ideas that have permeated just about any culture over the years. with religion (and i'll say especially Christianity because i know more about it), this has always been dangerous. remember learning about the Dark Ages/Middle Ages and the subsequent Protestant Reformation? heck, let's go back to the start of the whole thing: some dude (practically named our equivalent of "John" - super generic - claiming to be the Son of God and God at the same time though he was totally born to this "virgin" chick in a freaking manger coz they didn't get to the town in time to find a place to stay) telling the people of a more than ancient religion that he was there to be their salvation.

though i believe it, i will admit that it sounds crazy. don't get me started on everything else out there though... anyway, moving forward...

what i'm saying here is that someone had to stand up within the faith to change anything. and even with that there was still much dissent. Martin Luther realized that the biggest weapon (why did they have a weapon anyway?) that the Catholic church was using to hold power was keeping knowledge from the people. the commoners were unable to learn anything about the religion being forced on them other than what the laity told them was right. they couldn't read the Bible: there wasn't mass production of it nor was it in the common language - or even in the original language by that time. (it's similar to what our government and big businesses try to do now with their policies, but once again, i digress.)

all the people that vote Republican just because that's what their pastor told them to, their husband told them to, or because "that's just what Christians do" OR the people that vote Democrat just because that's what the environment wants, because "i'm in college and/or am young" all fit into this same category. who and what you support says a lot about who you are as a person.

i still firmly support everyone doing what i had to do for a project that did in college in which the professor made us write out things that we believed. obviously not things like "i believe Spain will win the Cup again" but things that are pertinent to how you live your life. (i probably have a post on this somewhere back in the archives... back in 2001... i wonder how different they might be now...) doing this involves understanding why you believe these things, which then also requires a bit of research and thinking about what you value.

this means doing some questioning over and over again!

i'm not implying that there aren't authorities on many of the things that we choose to hold dear, and i'm definitely not saying to ignore them. but if you find something of a contradiction you should believe in your own ability to reason that (hopefully) you've been honing in during your schooling and living live as a youngster.

it's astounding to me that people can earn a Bachelors Degree in the US and still not be able to think for themselves.

because i openly support my rights as a black man, the rights of my sister to be a manager at her job, and the rights of anyone else to live in the US, abide by the constitutional laws of the land, and build their life as they see fit. i must, in turn, support the right of Mr. Cathy to be anti-gay, and the rights of every gay, lesbian, and bi person out there wanting to have all the same rights that i enjoy according to the state. it doesn't matter what i personally believe. there is no difference. there can be no exception clause. separation of church and state, people!

"give to Caesar what is Caesars..."

here's most of an article i read today from another friends fb post that i thought made some great points... more than i want to just excerpt from:

1. This isn’t simply about marriage. Shocker, right? It’s extremely frustrating that same-sex marriage is the great continental divide. People are judged according to how they stand on this issue, as if no other issue matters. Did you know that a person can be for same-sex marriage and still be homophobic? Did you know that a person can be against same-sex marriage and be gay? We all get categorized very quickly based on the marriage issue and maybe that’s not fair. But here’s what you should know:

- In 29 states in America today, my partner of 18 years, Cody, or I could be fired for being gay. Period. No questions asked. One of those states is Louisiana, our home state. We live in self-imposed exile from beloved homeland, family, and friends, in part, because of this legal restriction on our ability to live our lives together.

- In 75 countries in the world, being gay is illegal. In many, the penalty is life in prison. These are countries we can’t openly visit. In 9 countries, being gay is punishable by death. In many others, violence against gays is tacitly accepted by the authorities. These are countries where we would be killed. Killed.

- Two organizations that work very hard to maintain this status quo and roll back any protections that we may have are the Family Research Council and the Marriage & Family Foundation. For example, the Family Research council leadership has officially stated that same-gender-loving behavior should be criminalized in this country. They draw their pay, in part, from the donations of companies like Chick-Fil-A. Both groups have also done “missionary” work abroad that served to strengthen and promote criminalization of same-sex relations.

- Chick-Fil-A has given roughly $5M to these organizations to support their work.

- Chick-Fil-A’s money comes from the profits they make when you purchase their products.

2. This isn’t about mutual tolerance because there’s nothing mutual about it. If we agree to disagree on this issue, you walk away a full member of this society and I don’t. There is no “live and let live” on this issue because Dan Cathy is spending millions to very specifically NOT let me live. I’m not trying to do that to him.

Asking for “mutual tolerance” on this like running up to a bully beating a kid to death on the playground and scolding them both for not getting along. I’m not trying to dissolve Mr. Cathy’s marriage or make his sex illegal. I’m not trying to make him a second-class citizen, or get him killed. He’s doing that to me, folks; I’m just fighting back.

All your life, you’re told to stand up to bullies, but when WE do it, we’re told WE are the ones being intolerant? Well, okay. Yes. I refuse to tolerate getting my ass kicked. “Guilty as charged.”

But what are you guilty of? When you see a bully beating up a smaller kid and you don’t take a side, then you ARE taking a side. You’re siding with the bully. And when you cheer him on, you’re revealing something about your own character that really is a shame.

3. This isn’t about Jesus. I have a lot of Christian friends. Most of them are of the liberal variety, it’s true, but even this concept seems lost on some of you. Most of them are pro-LGBT rights. Pro-gay and Pro-Christ are NOT mutually exclusive. They never have been, in the history of Christianity, though it’s been difficult at times. It’s not impossible to be both.

If someone is telling you it is, then maybe you should wonder why they’d do that. I see divorced Christians, remarried Christians, drug addict Christians. I see people with WWJD bracelets bumping and grinding on TV and raking in millions to do it. I see greedy, rapacious, vengeful people who are Christians. And these people are accepted in the Church, and the Church does very little to combat them. Sometimes it seems like being gay is the ONLY thing certain modern Christian movements won’t allow. Why’s that, I wonder?

Jesus had almost nothing to say about sexual behavior of any kind. He was too busy teaching more important things. Empathy is at the heart of his teachings. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Remember that? It’s in red. So let’s examine that:

4. If things were reversed, I’d stand up for you.

Please think about this: How would you feel if KFC came out tomorrow and said they were spending money against equality for Asian Americans, or African Americans, or religious people? Really. Think about it. What would you do? How would you feel? How would you feel if, after their announcement, there was a big increase in KFC sales and I was all over Facebook supporting KFC. Please stop reading right now and imagine this. I’m serious.

You can stop now because it’s ludicrous. It would never happen.

Oh, I don’t mean the part about KFC being against some group. That COULD happen. I mean the part about me supporting them. Let me tell you something, and you can damn well believe it: I’d sign on for the boycott IMMEDIATELY.

Why? Well, because I believe in equality for all people, that’s why. But also, personally, from the bottom of my heart: because you are my friend, and I don’t willingly support people who harm you for just being you. How could I? How could I, really? But, more importantly for our purposes, how could you?

Seriously, how could you? What has Chick-Fil-A ever done for you? Sold you some fatty chicken at a ridiculous mark-up? Made you chuckle at semi-literate cartoon cows? You mean more to me than KFC possibly could. If I, in turn, don’t mean more to you than a chicken sandwich from Chik-Fil-A–if my life, my quality of life, and my dignity are such afterthoughts to you that you’d not only refuse the boycott, but go out of your way to support someone who was hurting me? if I let this stand, if I don’t stand up to the bullies and if I let my friends egg the bullies on, what does that make me?

Well, it makes me a Chikin.

Yeah, so suddenly it is cause for anger, ridiculous or not.

But I’m not going to stop being Facebook friends with anyone over this issue.

Instead, I will remain. And, when you see my face with my partner’s in my profile, maybe you will examine not simply what your opinions are about gay people, or gay marriage, or the first amendment, even; maybe you’ll examine not merely your opinions but your values. What is friendship to you? What is loyalty? How important are human life and dignity to you? Are they more important than fitting in with your social group? Are they more important than loyalty to a corporate brand, or a political party, or some misguided church teaching?

That’s why we’re so angry. This is personal for us. There are times in your life when you have the opportunity to stand up for your friends. When you let that opportunity pass, your friends notice. It doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, but it diminishes you, and it diminishes the friendship. That’s how it is, no matter what the issue or what the venue.

So stand up. Stand up for us. Do the right thing. You don’t have to agree with us on everything, but repudiate Chick-Fil-A. Unlike them on Facebook. Withdraw your support for them. Join us in the boycott. If you can’t do that, then please ask yourself whether I’m your friend. In fact, ask yourself whether anyone is.

This is all I have to say. If you’d like to debate the issue further, I’ll do it, but I’m not going to go around and around on the same points. If you’re just going to repeat yourself, save us both some time. If you haven’t taken the time to actually read this carefully and actually consider carefully what I’ve said, then I see no reason to waste further words.

The ball is in your court. Again, I urge you to do the right thing.

- Wayne Self
Twitter: @owldolatrous
Facebook: facebook.com/owldolatrous
original post: owldolatrous.com

thank you, Mr. Self.

my point is, think for yourself. if you are actually against the legal rights of any subset of our humanity then you're probably not who i'm talking to here, and you may have wasted a good 10 minutes of your time. if you aren't, consider the fact that we live in a country that was founded on the principles of freedom of thought and beliefs meaning not one of them was greater than another.

because of my new intel, i won't be eating at Chik-Fil-A until i know my purchase there does not go towards the diminished rights of citizens.

until then---

i'm in need of a disappearing act.

the thing is, if i employ the help of an assistant, then it's not quite disappearing is it?

until then---

as of last week i've began putting my left foot forward.

up until now, my front foot has always been my right. i mean, i'm not choosing favorites, but it seems like doing anything else is something that could be construed as a bad thing.

this comes up as i switched the side that put my guitar effects pedals from my right to my left. for those of you that know a bit about rock guitar playing, most right-handed guitarist are prone to this left side setup due to it's easing the power stance situation; you don't have to switch your feet back and forth, which can be meddlesome. i've delayed this move because my right foot has always been my best foot: my more accurate and preferred foot for football; i ride goofy-footed skateboarding and snowboarding putting my right foot forward; gas and brake; etc.

such a silly list.

but fact is, it's a welcome change. my left foot has always been strong in its support and my right wouldn't be the same without it. really, who's to say that my left wasn't my best all along?

so many times i've heard 'put your best foot forward.' it's cliche but ever true. but i have found it to be a shame that we don't always know which foot is actually the best foot. where the steps are actually leading us. what that foot looks like to others. so although all of this came from a silly, yet important change in my musical routine, the idea of my other foot possibly being the best foot in another persons eyes, or maybe even my own, is invaluable.

at this point, my left was just undervalued. but maybe it simply has been the best all along.

i can freely admit that i may have been going about things all wrong!

this is a frequent thought.

but now i will begin to put a different foot forward. and it looks promising.

until then---

i think that i've forgotten what it means to be a friend. i'm so self-absorbed that i know that i've neglected many things about friendship that i feel are extremely important to me. so this is an apology (at least to those that read this n'er updated blog):

i'm often chasing my goals. my dreams that i've had since i was young. back then when i made all of the real decisions for my future, laying the groundwork for who i would become today. i didn't choose to become musically inclined but i did choose to follow that inclination to the bitter middle - where i find myself now.

at least that's where i hope i am.

i guess it could be the end, but then i'd really have nothing left.

at least that what i'd figure anyone would think when they've been headed towards a career for 15 years that hasn't ever materialized. failure after failure bringing about only mere flashes of real advancement but realizing that thought i may have moved forward one step, everyone else has moved twelve.

then you get to thinking 'why can't i at least move, say, eight for so many's twelve? is it me? is it my associates? where's my error?'

gotta love that spiral. it's epic.

in an era where patience is no longer a virtue but rather a death warrant, i've easily missed so many opportunities waiting for people, moments, or funding. yet i'm constantly told to 'wait for my time; it'll come.'

this advent sucks.

i've been waiting too long and not acting enough. so many windows have closed. doors once opened are now shut. people pass without so much as a 'hello.' oh yeah, that's just the bigotry in Orange County. but can i blame that?

of course i can. it's a part of the spiral.

why can't we spiral upwards?

my point is, maybe i'm not hungry enough. maybe i don't have the desire needed to make my passion a reality. i'm too soft and too patient. too not what anyone cares about - and yet not enough to satisfy the hipster kids. i don't know how to network. i don't know how to make money. you all seem to have figured it out and left me behind. and although i'm happy that you've all achieved so many of your goal in career and family, it's lonely back here staring up at all you've done.

very lonely.

maybe it can be a fire starter.

maybe it'll just dig me deeper.

but this is why i apologize: if i were you and had made it where you are, i'd probably leave me here too.

it's hard to stop a stubborn man looking to dig his own grave.

until then---

ThouGHts WHIlE StarinG at A Wall

while putting up the Christmas lights at my place of work (a house if you didn't know... and not mine), i saw a random space between the property i was on and the property next door. of course, i immediately got to the questions "who owns that? is that no man's land?" aside from the fact that i thought about this rather oft-used phrase 'no-man's land' for the first time as land that no one owned and not just as land out in the middle of nowhere, it got me to thinking. why wouldn't the phrase have been this is "God's land?"

people always got to be so negative, ha.

until then---

i'm doing this survey for USA Ultimate (formerly Ultimate Players Association) since i am a paying member, and it's kind of bad. it's like one of those situations where they're trying to lead you to say something that they want you to rather than get a genuine response (those have a specific name, but i'm at a loss as to what they are called. could just be a Leading Question, but that seems too easy.), among other things as well.
so here's a written response that i gave them, and though it's not nasty or bitter or anything controversial, i thought it'd be good to post. (the bold is from the survey, non-bold is my response.)

Since your response to the previous question suggested that you don't feel that these six goals provide the right direction for USA Ultimate...

How would you change, or add to, these six goals (shown below) to ensure USA Ultimate is headed in the right direction? (please be specific!)

1. Increase the visibility of Ultimate
2. Grow youth, college, and league Ultimate
3. Organize the highest quality US competitive events
4. Achieve sustained excellence of Team USA
5. Celebrate and uphold Spirit of the Game, as well as USA Ultimate’s core values
6. Govern the organization to ensure stability and excellence


i'm mainly concerned with what it means to "govern the organization to ensure stability and excellence." This directly relates to the other goals listed above. To keep things relevant with the problems people see in our federal government, i don't think that any of the USAU members really knows where our fees go. We have to pay for tournaments, travel, accommodations, etc. so other than a quarterly (maybe) magazine where do they go?

The increased viability (1), and spread of the game (2) are related to the same concerns. If the people that you already have as members are not sold on what you actually provide, then it's hard to spread the game with USAU having knowledge of it. The game is awesome (unquestionably) but it's played in pockets that don't use USAU at all, and this will continue. I find that part of the charm is that it's not a highly visible sport but yet you can play it at a super high level and be recognized worldwide. Kind of amazing. So if making the game more visible takes that away, i don't want it.

until then---

i've written about this topic/dilemma before, but apparently it's new again with the presidential elections coming up... next year. this article i found Should Candidates’ Religion Matter? (please visit the link if you have time, as i'm sure the author would like to see the hits he gets for readers!) addresses a bit more the same things that i was thinking. honestly, i was hoping that it's bring up more of an opposing view, but rather a more thorough one of my own is okay in my book:

Exploring the role of faith in our voting decisions.

I’m troubled when I see presidential candidates pull out the faith card. It’s even worse when they do it in ways that try to “out-Christian” the other candidates. I can’t help but wrinkle my brow with a hint of disgust and “are-you-kidding-me”.

When I was a kid, my brothers and I would sometimes use the phrase “I swear to God!” when we were trying to convince each other we should be believed. Most young boys have integrity issues (as well as a penchant for deception), so we would occasionally feel the need to bring up God’s name to back up our own word. In essence we were saying, “You may not believe me on my own merit, but I’m bringing God in on this to back me up!”

We adults are far less likely to openly “swear by heaven,” but I can’t help but wonder if we aren’t just a little more sophisticated at it. Ever see a Christian businessperson with the Christian “fish” symbol prominently displayed on his or her business card? I’ve seen it on the cards of plumbers, carpenters, car salespeople, etc. I’ve even seen lawyers and doctors use it. I live smack in the buckle of the Bible belt in Tulsa, Ok.—people slap Jesus on everything from pizza places to construction companies. But, if I’m honest, I really don’t want to know if they love Jesus when I’m ordering a pizza; I want to know if they make good pizzas (it’s been my experience that pagan pizza sometimes tastes better). Their religious affiliation is a non-question for me.

Some politicians may think they are honoring God by putting Jesus on parade, but I am suspicious that something more is going on—that many of these individuals are trying to use God to give them more credibility than they have earned on their own. I appreciate any person who is a Christian, but are they qualified to do the work they do? Do they have a good reputation? Is their customer service satisfactory? Or does their "fish" imply God is siding with them and so should I? Or are they trying to make me feel (consciously or not) like if I don’t use them I am resisting God in some way?

My father was a physician as I was growing up and he had a bad taste in his mouth about those who quickly referred to themselves as “Christian” doctors (he was an agnostic till late in life). This was because of a missionary doctor he knew who had come back to the States to practice medicine after being gone for nearly 20 years overseas. My dad said he was prescribing drugs that had stopped being used fifteen years before. He told me, “He should stop hiding behind his faith and get into some ongoing education classes. He’s a horrible doctor who talks about God all the time.”

Wouldn't you rather have a surgeon who was known more for her skill than for her faith? If she were the best surgeon in the country and you found out she was a Christian—well, that would be cool. But wouldn’t you rather be operated on by a brilliant surgeon who may be a Buddhist than by a sloppy one who had a fish logo or cross on their office sign and website?

This is the kind of thing Jesus was pushing against when He forbade “swearing.” He said we are not to swear by heaven (Matt. 5:34), but to “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (v. 37). He was telling us not to bring God into the equation to prove we are telling the truth or to prove we should be trusted. People need to work on their reputations and on being the best at what they do, not on swearing by heaven.

This goes for the political candidates as well. Always bringing faith into the discussion creates a distraction from the person’s actual record. Values and morality are important, yes, but are not always an indicator of one's capabilities and policies. It avoids questions like: Is the candidate good at governing? Is she committed to justice? What is his voting record?

And why exactly do we need to know if one candidate is a person of faith? Furthermore, why should we be afraid of those who come from no faith or other faiths (in this particular election, the ongoing discussion of the credibility of candidates in the "cult" of Mormonism)? Is it because we believe that if we get the “right” candidate into office that he or she will “fix” all that ails the human community? Those of us who are Christians should know better than that. It is simply not true. The “fix” we need will never be the result of electing the right public servant or having the right national resolve; it’s the stuff of God’s Kingdom. And that Kingdom is still on its way—it may be here a little, but it is not here fully. And it won’t be here fully until Jesus returns. That means this side of eternity all human systems will continue to be broken to some degree.

“Shouldn’t we try to fix what we can?” you may ask. Absolutely. But a candidate being a Christian doesn’t ensure that he or she can fix things anymore than it ensures that he or she is a good parent or a wise businessperson (How many bad Christian parents and crooked Christian business people have you dealt with?). What is really at stake here is not whether or not the candidate has faith, but whether or not he or she is actually a good at public policy and has demonstrated the capacity to marshal the resources available for the good of all.

In St. Augustine’s massive work, City of God, he argued that secular rulers are still under the providence of God—that it is okay for the Church to work with those without faith as it pertains to the governance of a fallen world. Augustine points to Jesus’ claim that Pilate’s authority was given to him by God (John 19:11), though he was not a person of faith. The implication is that we should look for, hope for, pray for and vote for individuals who are the best candidates to lead—whether or not they lead us in prayer.

Ed Gungor is a pastor and author, and sometimes blogs at SaltTribe.

as always, i'm a glutton for your thoughts. hit me. until then---

i don't normally quote my own work, but as Kindred Fall has been working on newer material, i've managed to get certain songs stuck in my head. this is one that i wrote in a moment of frustration with what's going on in my life and it's been resonating with me basically since i wrote it. i'm not going to spend time explaining what it means, but instead take it for what it is: just another song i wrote. enjoy Symphony of Fools:

i keep falling asleep behind the wheel
can't remember the place i'm headed
i am falling asleep behind the wheel
and this time it's real

like the symphony of fools
that i played on my stereo
when i tried to play it cool
you just looked away suddenly
it's the constant shock
i try to give my self
to wake up

i'll keep falling asleep behind the wheel
as long as i'm driving down that road
i'm not falling asleep behind the wheel
i've already passed away

like the symphony of fools
that i played on my stereo
when i tried to play it cool
you just looked away suddenly
it's the constant shock
i try to give my self
to wake up
again

until then---

so i was tooling around this morning looking for some current news (twitter wasn't giving me enough information), so of course i went to the NPR site and ended up finding too much to listen to/read. (this is not really a problem, but i realized that i've not been keeping current... BAD!)

i came across this piece which should be of interest to both my Christian friends and non-Christian friends alike. apparently, that has been some more dispute over the reality of science in the Christian faith. this one in particular is questioning the existence of Adam and Eve. kind of a big deal.

through my personal studies, i've come up with my own take that kind of blends the two thoughts into a very real, very possible way of thinking that the Genesis story is historically accurate and that evolution is still a very real thing (as it most definitely is). some of my college friends may have hear me speak on this before, but the logic of my stance comes from the language: once i learned that "ADAM" is a word for "man" in Hebrew, a door was open for my understanding of the intersection of my faith and science.

there are essentially two accounts of the creation of "man." the first in the linear 'day one, day two', etc. found in Genesis 1:26-31. then another account soon after at Genesis 2:7 (continuing with woman later in the chapter). in some discussions i've had in the past, this has never been explained in a way that made me think that these couldn't be referencing two different events. or better: a broad event and a specific one. God created man; Adam was one of these men and this is the story of his descendants.

just like fact that God created the universe is more important that the time period that it took him to do it, thinking that God created man, then we have a story about God's chosen people starting in Genesis 2, seems to work and make sense in my mind. it's not like there is an explanation needed for the people that Cain and Abel marry, or the many other nations that the Hebrew people encounter during the entire scripture, but this could account for it.

the report only hints at this idea of the importance of the Adam and Eve story, but that hint is huge: Judaism, Islam, and Christianity have no basis if there are no Adam and Eve. no story of the fall of God's people. the acceptance of Gentiles by God's people. all moot. science is great and there is a reason that it all works. my faith leads me to believe that the science was set in motion, and didn't just "exist" but that doesn't make it any less real. i'm curious of others thoughts which is what prompted this almost rant. besides i've not written in a while...BAD. feels good. until then---

i haven't made time to put in words many of the things going on with me, but an article i just read, written by Jon Foreman (Switchfoot, Fiction Family) pretty well sums it up:

"Making a Living" for the Huffington Post.

"Hate was just a failure of imagination." -- Graham Greene

Re-appropriate is a word that I stole from my friend David Dark. He'd stolen it from a guy named Jeff Tweedy. It's a good word to steal. In fact, of all the words I've stolen in my lifetime I feel the least remorse for lifting this one. Re-appropriate: to seize and reassign. It's very definition encourages a theft of sorts. I suppose all of language works like that: taking anonymous words and making them our own. This enlightened practice of re-appropriation is unique to the human experience: We adapt within our situation to make the most of it. All other creatures are defined by their innate abilities, mostly untaught. A worm is not taught how to crawl. A chameleon is not taught how to change colors. A rabbit, a horse, a spider- these creatures are defined by themselves and their intrinsic giftings. We human beings are not like this: we bend, we learn, we invent, we change. Humanity has been making herself up all along. Making life. Making a living.

I would like to re-appropriate the phrase "making a living" to mean something larger than accumulating net worth in an online bank account. I'd like to suggest that ATM receipts and mortgage payments have very little to do with living or life or making life worth living. In my personal struggle to make a living, I've found that true success has very little to do with income or comfort. In fact, it seems to me that inconvenience, hardship and discomfort are my best teachers. It's as though these horrible, wonderful moments where I realize my own limitations are almost exclusively the only ones that matter. So when I'm brave enough, I chase these awkward moments down. I write songs about them. I put my scattered thoughts online. Heck, I even seek therapy from time to time. Love, dreams, confessions, God, women -- these are dreadful, awe-inspiring mysteries to me. They put a funny taste in my mouth. They give me scrapes and scars. And stories.

The best stories often come from inconvenient and uncomfortable places.

Like a newborn child, real life comes out painfully, awkwardly, delicately. As a pearl is formed only when the oyster is agitated with sand, the most important moments in my life were born out of friction. The art comes from the awkward ache. The knot in my stomach usually teaches me more than comfort ever could. The sculptor's chisel carves away at the block to bring something new into being. In the same way, we hammer away at the world we're given to bring something new into being. We re-appropriate the past and present to create the future -- breath by breath.

We are making our living on a dying planet, born into a world of contingencies.
Ours world is torn to shreds by the greed of men, the intolerance of our times, and the wars that rage on in the world around us. Every day our bodies are decaying. On the day of our birth, our death becomes an eventuality. Yes, the world we've been given is under the dark shadow of these struggles. We're born into the fight. It's as though we're armed only with a dream. So it's no surprise that our hopes are dulled on the battlefield of institutionalized cynicism. In this world of death and taxes we might even begin to question whether dreams are appropriate. Against the backdrop of despair, we are tempted to abandon the struggle of hope and accept dead cash instead. We're tempted to believe that "the real world" could never be anything other than it is.

But isn't "the real world" largely what we humans have made it? Let us remind ourselves that the "financial security" that we are slaving for is anything but secure. Let's remember that this peace of mind recently went bankrupt. Yes, these supposedly stalwart investment institutions were bailed out by a government that faces an insurmountable debt. Let's take it even further and recall that none of us has any control or security over the day of our birth or death. And in this context I believe that "making a living" cannot be tied to the paycheck alone. Rather we make the real world of tomorrow today. Moment by blessed moment, we're making a living.

To make this kind of living takes incredible creativity. To see the limitless possibility in the present moment takes a wild imagination. And it's not just artists that need this untamed ingenuity.

A good teacher is creative. A good computer programmer is creative. A good mom is incredibly creative. A good lawyer looks beyond the contingencies of injustice and works to bring a more virtuous existence into being.

In fact, the argument could be made that a human being is most God-like when she is most creative: ingeniously crafting the true and the beautiful out of the confines of the present tense. Remixing tomorrow out of the raw materials of today. Re-appropriating a dream into reality. And it's not just vagabond surfers who chase down preposterous dreams of doing what they love -- humanity has been doing this all along. Flying without wings? Landing on the moon? Recording and amplifying sound? Yes. We invent, we progress, and we make it up as we go along. Does it sound like a swindle, like cheating the system? Does it sound outrageous!? It absolutely is! But that's what making a living is my friends -- it's scandalous! Yes, and the outrageous souls who are willing to risk failure might be the only ones who are truly making a living. For better or worse they are defining the world our children will inherit.

This world is a hand-me-down. It was given to us by our parents -- women and men much like ourselves. Human beings in love, human beings rejected, human beings hungry, restless, apathetic and hopeful: ever-changing, ever-adapting. Yes, the human soul is a bundle of conflicting desires. You want peace but you love excitement. You hate math but you want to graduate. You love your parents but they drive you crazy. Even our hopes are at odds with each other. The rent? The relationship? The career? The vacation? Our dreams rarely line up. It's messy stuff, but these are the raw materials that life has given you. You had no choice as to where your journey begins, but the choice is available to you now. You could argue that you didn't choose to be born, that there are factors of your existence over which you have little or no control. It's true, these are the contingencies we were born into. Your heart, your bones, your soul, your sexuality -- these were given to you. Given to you as a painter is given a canvas and a brush. Given to you as a sculptor is given a block of marble. St Francis of Assisi said that "He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist." Your artistry? Your craft? You are making a living.

Which is to say that you are the art. Your words, your haircut, your clothes, your actions -- these display your unique blend of past and present, desire and lack thereof, insecurity and purpose. You are the painting, and everyday you're painting yourself and the world around you.
Every moment is a canvas is waiting to come to life. The walls of this planet and the walls of your heart are still available to graffiti artists everywhere. There's still room for redemptive, honest, hopeful colors. You put your brush to canvas with every decision, with every breath. We are the human race. We are the re-appropriators. But none of us are creating out of nothing. Human creation is always re-appropriation. Trying to put beauty into form.

Tom Morrello once said that "Music is like sausage." He was killing time on-stage in a club called Hotel Cafe in Hollywood. We were halfway through the encore trying to figure out a cover tune that none of us really knew. It was a mild form of chaos onstage. So as we switched instruments and tried to work it out, Tom told this parable to the patient crowd, "Music is like sausage. You love the final product but sometimes you don't want to see how it's made." It's one of my favorite stories to tell. I love finding something beautiful within the bizarre. Grace within contingency.* Because after all, that's what music is. That's what life is. Re-appropriating the scraps we have at hand in an attempt to create something truly magnificent. Crafting timeless beauty out of our own temporal specific circumstances. My friends who practice yoga have a saying, "Fake it till you make it." Maybe that's what humans do best: we make it up as we go along.

You want to know the meaning of life? This is your highest calling: You are called into the dynamic co-creation of the cosmos. This breath is your canvas and your brush. These are the raw materials for your art, for the life you are making. Nothing is off limits. Your backyard, your piano, your paintbrush, your conversation, Rwanda, New Orleans, Iraq, your marriage, your soul. You're making a living with every step you take. So when you make a living, do not merely make money. Why settle for cash when joy is on the line? You feel a thrill when you dance, when you sing, when you finish your poem; even when you sweep the room you see order pressing back against the chaos. So when you create, never settle for making a living -- at least not the way that the world might define that phrase. When you make a living, you are speaking a new world into existence. You are creating grace within the confines, you are co-signing God's blank checks.

*inspired by Gregory Wolfe


until then---

tHOughTs WhilE staRinG aT a WaLL
growing up is weird. (don't we all know it?) but some realizations that happen along the way are what take the cake. the other night i was hanging out with the guys in my second band, My November Guest, at the front man's residence. his wife and two kids are there along with his mother in law and grandmother in law(?). and now, this isn't about him having kids, it's remembering the moments being a kid when my parents were shooting the breeze with friends hanging out and socializing. the things that they talked about that my siblings, cousins and i didn't understand. all the while, they are taking care of us.
it's like the same realization that our elementary school teachers (the younger ones especially of course) probably had lives like we do now and still went out for drinks with their college friends and generally had lives that wouldn't separate them apart as "our teacher".
Seriously, when i think back to some of my teachers, it's still the weirdest idea that they might have had lives outside of teaching! i don't know if that's sad, or hilarious! until then---

tHoguHtS WhiLE sTarING at A WalL

i just saw this commercial...



i think that they almost ask the right question... it should be this:

ARE WE CONDITIONED FROM CHILDHOOD TO ACCEPT THAT WE MUST HAVE A CAR?

this commercial makes me think so. until then---

so someone posted a link to a 14-part recollection of the "original" Smashing Pumpkins final show which was about 10 years ago. crazy, right? they are still one of my favorite bands and are highly influential as to what i do musically and business-wise. i really enjoyed reading it so i put it all together in one place for you to enjoy if you'd like:

first thing that comes to mind is that we only had about 6 days to prepare the about 14 or so extra songs that we added to try to make the show both historic and memorable. normally this much work in such a short time would have been met with resistance, but everyone was in good spirits to have the 11 months of touring finally over.
my original plan was to book the metro out for the whole month of January and make one last album, writing songs and recording them live in rehearsal and then playing them at night at the 'shows'. can't remember how many shows we would have done per week? maybe 3 or 4. Iha + Auf Der Maur hated the idea and said no. a shame, could have been amazing. band was tight at that point and i was motivated to write more.
we had the 2nd to last show at The United Center, and we wanted to film that as well. unfortunately the building wanted to charge us (i could be wrong but...) 50,000$ just for the 'right' to film, not counting the actual costs it would have been to film. so there is no video that i know of. if there is it might be a lone camera. that show was amazing, although we were criticized for opening the show acoustic.
we had been opening with 5 songs acoustic in Europe as a way to set a different tone because each night the audience was thinking they were seeing the band for the last time. there the audiences went with the somber beginning, and so i stupidly assumed that an American audience would go the same way with it. Wrong! once we finally lit it up with 'glass' theme (song 6) the place went nuts.
for the Metro show itself, we found someone to be a clown in between acts, to hold the sign up announcing each of the 3 parts. what most people don't know is that the kid doing it (a total coincidence) was related to Jonathon Melvoin. i found out before the show, but i took it as a sign that his spirit was with us in the building that night so i said i was fine with it.
we played 38 songs i believe, over 4 hours of music. i had never played that long before, nor have i since. i wasn't even sure my voice would hold up that long, but it did. actually it got stronger as the night went on. the first song was 'rocket', which we were supposed to play after the mellon collie theme intro, which was played off a cd. the theme finished, i lit into the opening riff of 'rocket'.
unfortunately, no one turned off the cd, , so as i was playing i heard 'tonight, tonight' come blaring out of the p.a. classic SP fuck-up for trying to be fancy. the show as i remember was fairly good, but incredibly hot and at about 90 min in the crowd was just totally worn out. i thought to myself 'wow, we got a long way to go!'
act 2 honestly felt like a sad funeral, and people started talking. i felt the whole thing slipping away from me, but i realized that it was all part of the journey of death that we were on. life moves on, and when the show was over i too had to move on. i honestly thought that it would be the last time i would play most of these songs, and it felt good to let them go.
act three was designed to bring the energy back up, and it did. the last encore i think was 'silverfuck', which had a lot of improvisation in it. it wasn't all planned out, and i remember thinking of my deceased mother alot. it all came down to 'where was mommy?' in the end of it all, as it begins so does it end. i turned to look at Jimmy and said 'that's it', and it ended without form best as i remember.
i broke down on stage crying but i remember being quite embarassed about it. i've thought about that moment many times, and i wish in hindsight that i'd let myself just have a good cry right then and there, because you won't find yourself in a spot like that many times in your life. after we had a little party, playing dvd bootlegs of the band on a screen on stage.
once it was over, there was a shift, so playing the videos felt like watching a car crash again and again. it was overkill for everyone, including me. pictures and Chopin would have been better. i asked where James was, and someone had said he had left, without saying goodbye to me or Jimmy, a real final fuck you in my eyes. outside of a phone conversation about business in 2001, i haven't seen him since.
one more thing: please stop asking about the show ever coming out (i say this good heartedly). it will come out when the time is right. it should have come out in 2001 but EMI squashed it, and we got the rights back. hopefully it will be put out one day when tall he albums get re-issued. it would make sense for it to come out with the Machina era stuff.
i think as more time goes by we all should look at SP as having 2 totally different eras, 'old school' and 'new school' or whatever. call it what you want, the SP of 2005-2010 and counting has been a different animal, albeit with similar goals set in a different world.
'old' SP ended exactly 10 years ago this night, and it a'int ever coming back. from my vantage point, that's a good thing. that band will never sell out and never grow old gracefully (because honestly it couldn't). long live SP 1987-2000 a great fucking band when it was 'on'. and a nightmare when it was 'off'. thanks for checking out these thoughts/memories, love BC

in the end, i think it's good to hear the humanity in all the mess of the ending of the original SP. it just makes the band more real. i can empathize with that for sure. until then---

yesterday afternoon, my dad asked me how my Kindred Fall show had gone and i told him that it was "fun". this morning, i realized that i haven't said that in a while. have i really not been having fun lately? the shows have been "good". they've gone "great" or "really well". but i never mention that "i had fun".

i just thought that it was weird that my dad was surprised by the statement.

now, all i can think about is "why the heck did i say that?" not like it's a bad thing, but what made this show that much more "fun" where i actually said that. i mean, the show did indeed go well after all...

as i've been chasing this passion of mine, been able to find people to play with that are chasing a similar passion, did a mini-tour of Japan, and even made a little bit of money along the way, one thing that i've always tried to keep close is the fact that i want to have fun doing what i do for work. i want it to be my passion (i don't have a spouse or girlfriend so there's obviously no competition in that department...) so that should never be a problem.

me thinking about it this much really makes me wonder if i have been missing something lately. it always seems fun to me, but i don't know that i express it enough. i wonder how much that bleeds over into how others perceive my goals... these puzzlements. until then---

so this weekend, we "celebrate" Halloween. not that it's so much a holiday that we all cherish for religious reasons (in the normal sense), but most really love it. i enjoy it quite a bit myself. it's a day (or it's surrounding days) allowing us to all have the chance to be actors! and, although i have no formal training, have been in a total of three plays, and only a few student films mainly for my college roommates, i really, really enjoy acting. i just enjoy playing music more. i've picked my poison, and now i digress.
my joy of this is probably a bit more than others as i really get into character. take this costume for instance:

(i'm the pasty white guy on the right of the frame.) i (controversially) dressed as white trash a couple of years ago. i was inspired by Robert Downey, Jr.'s character in Tropic Thunder, Joe Dirt (David Spade), and George W. Bush (himself). the most important thing that i did was stay in character, even when my friend was selling me out to people that i am really a black dude. this was when the studying of W. was really going to be important: DENY DENY DENY! this was very fun. especially when close friends (even after being told) still questioned my true identity.
last year, i decided a group thing would be fun to do with my band mates. we dressed as the Scooby Doo Gang, aka Mystery, Inc. i ended up with the role of Daphne:

yeah laugh it up. four-inch heels are NO JOKE! i didn't really get to play the character as much with this one (which might be a good thing for my sake) but i definitely looked the part.

although i know my reasons for enjoying this excuse to party, i have no reason to question anyone elses. no matter what the purpose (drunkeness, slutty girl costumes, hiding your deeds behind a mask...) it's a good night to have fun. just be safe out there.
now, i have a reputation to keep up of being a bit controversial with my costume. until then---

yesterday, i finally made time to watch the film "Up In The Air" and, though this post is in no way a pure critique of the movie, i felt that that's where it left me: up in the air. i actually don't have any problems with this sort of film if there is a purpose in it's ending that way. not all film is supposed to be "fluffy" and it felt that the intent of storyteller may have been to leave the audience with a sure empathy for the main character.

anyway, enough of possible major spoilers. i found this story to hold some very interesting philosophies within it. very real human ideas that effect the way our culture is today. it got me thinking a lot about my current situation, etc.
(now what's next, shouldn't spoil the film for you, but if you're worried about it, watch the film first... i won't reveal major plot or anything, just concepts from the film.)
a major theme of the story is the idea of baggage. things you carry with you that you may not even think about. things that you put on others around you that you may not even think about. this is brought up by the use of a backpack. it starts empty, and you 're asked to fill it up with the stuff in your life: computer, dishes, tv, cell phone, guitars, car, etc. all of the things that you own. once you get your couches and your house (if you own one) in there, you begin to realize this backpack must be something Mary Poppins would have used, and more importantly, there's no way that you can carry it with you. anywhere. so you're stuck.
you are then asked what would happen is you were to incinerate the full backpack.

another time, we start with the empty backpack and are asked to put in it all our relationships: co-workers, acquaintances, friends, relatives, family. all the secrets, the problems, the trials, etc. confided in them and those of theirs confided in you. that bag gets heavy really quickly, too. and so much of the weight is self-inflicted.
there was no burning of this backpack, but there is the fact that some of the things in it are superfluous and should be removed from the backpack.

now these ideas of ridding yourself of all connection to be highly mobile sounds pretty inciting when you really think about it. but you think more, and the relationships that you miss out on are the best ones to have. what can be said (and is in the story) is that a person living with these super-light backpacks are quite isolated. truly, it's possible for that to happen obviously, even if the person travels a lot and is consistently surrounded by people. there's no investment in those people. investment equals more weight. and it adds up quickly.
i can say with confidence, that most rational people would agree that the fist backpack can afford to be much lighter. my friend recently up and left for Japan and is making his life there and traveling around as he pleases. he's very much the minimalist. both of his backpacks are light and part of me has always been jealous of that. in those moments of jealousy, i wish that i was a much stronger acoustic guitarist. but i digress.
biblically, Christs teachings lead toward this very similar minimalist idea: "if you want to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give them to the poor..." (Mt. 19:21), "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." (Lk. 12:15). there are more instances but i'd be cross-referenced for some time... but you get the point. Christianity isn't the only faith that teaches this, hence why there are monks of almost every faith that go to the extreme: they don't even have backpacks at all.

the point that really hit me in the story and i think that anyone can really take away from this idea of cleansing, is that humans tend to collect things. many things are meaningless, but we're told that they're important. i read something from actor Simon Pegg ("Shawn of the Dead", "Hot Fuzz", "Run, Fat Boy, Run") along the lines of: 'It was 1966 so not everyone had cameras so don't tell me that i need pictures to prove [this event] happened!' this is brought up in the film, too. humans have an uncanny phenomena about our brains that allow us to remember many things that are important to us. we don't need everything that we keep to remind us of them. emptying the backpack (rather than burning it) and only replacing what you truly need is something that must happen every once in a while. it's like a hard drive defrag. the more you do it, the less time it takes and the lighter your life will probably feel. this can even mean (as some of my friends have done) getting rid of those "friends" on the social networking sites that you are just stalking. you don't have a meaningful relationship with them, or never did at least. that's just useless baggage... usually in the form of time-wasting.

i've already decided that this process sucks but it may be one of the most necessary things for me to do right now. before i can't carry any more in my Mary Poppins backpack. until then---

thOUGHts WhiLE StaRiNG at A WalL

so i'm pretty sure one of my favorite things about driving around my '72 VW transporter is the brand new (as in just unpacked) license plate frame going around a blue and yellow California plate that reads:

ALUMNI
CHAPMAN UNIVERSITY

reactions are everything. haha! until then---

i have a friend working on a article to put in music magazines or other publications and he was asking me for advice about how to write it. you know, from a musicians standpoint the way that things are written can have a very different effect on us than it does to the average person reading an article. since he's a musician as well, i definitely wanted to remind him of that.
anyway, the article is tentatively titled: "When Power Chords Lose their Power." (he's obviously an acoustic artist, HA! regardless, he's quite amazing.) i had already been thinking a bit about this topic a bit recently when at a practice prior to the mention of this article, my guitarist basically called us out with a comment saying 'i don't want to just play power chords and sing; Taylor Swift does better than that!' (note: it was really weird coming from him. and not just because he'd basically admitted to listening to Taylor Swift...)
so if they have lost their power, then what am i doing? i try to refrain from only playing power chords of course, but sometimes they are hard to avoid using and have been the basis of rock music for a very long time. so what am i doing? i've been thinking about this since i've started playing guitar - playing praise and worship songs for my church youth group. all power chords.
oh come on. i was a convert from bass guitar. it made the adjustment rather simple. and i learned that there was more than power chords rather quickly.
so then, even with that development, what makes my music stand out from the other 'developed' sounds out there. why listen to me, and what makes me relevant even if i DO use power chords.
rhythm.
i've always had a knack for it, but i'm really beginning to embrace the reasons for my using them so much. i've recently been paying more attention to the lyrics of songs in regards to where i write them and when, etc. i find that most of my song writing occurs while on our bustling highways and thoroughfares of southern california. the rhythms of driving and sitting and driving and sitting; the sounds of the different cars going by; the stress of knowing that you'll be late to your destination because someone ahead of you decided their text was more important than the other cars on the road. all of that is in my songs in one was or another.
Kindred Fall is a victim of these same feelings because i am the main songwriter. i've been trying to find where our place is in the music scene (if that so exists here in orange county), and i think that this may help define it. we DO indeed belong here, maybe even more so than some others because we feel what everyone does and our music is the expression we have to give from it.
so, power chords or now, the evolution will still occur. unconventional rhythms, driving rhythms, a-rhythms all have their place in the structure of a song. and may be the defining factor in determining it's worth. not just a chord progression.
i will have to incorporate this into our kick-azz bio soon. more concise of course. until then---

so yesterday, the big news in the United States was the enforcement of the "new" Arizona law, SB1070. this immigration law has been highly controversial since it was brought to the public's attention. i've been listening to radio broadcasts talking about it for the past few weeks leading up to the official enforcement and seen plenty of terrible articles about how lives will be affected, etc. the arguments range from the fact that states have no right to enforce immigration law, to no one should be forced to carry papers to prove that their legally in the country. first off, i believe both of those arguments to be completely off-base but of course there are others involved.

being in another "border-state" i can see how a law like this could stir up some serious emotions; most of the people living near me i can easily assume to be illegal immigrants. they might not be though, which is a concern of the people against this law. under what basis is the law enforcement of Arizona detaining and deporting people? i heard plenty of arguments that say state law enforcement are not properly trained at the state level and below for this sort of action; that they lack training. but i also find this a lame excuse as even the federal border patrol has to be trained; i don't think that anyone is born with a keen sense to know someone is illegally in a country or not. maybe Superman, but he is illegal too...

i'd deport him :P

one thing is for sure: i applaud Arizona's legislature for sticking their neck out to try to enforce something is indeed a federal responsibility. i think that at the very least they are calling out the federal government to do something about what many people in border states see as a problem. if i remember correctly, the states in the union are sovereign and can enforce laws like this as they see fit - am i wrong? states don't flex their power enough. that's all i'm saying there.

so what exactly is the problem with having illegal immigrants within our borders? well there really isn't until they use public services and are employed in places that are intended for citizens in the US and legal immigrants because they pay taxes for it. what i see with this law is an attempt to free us of the idea that we are a country of immigrants. sure, there was a time that that was true, but that can be said of every country. the United States is definitely a country that has been searching for it's identity for the last 200 years. it's relatively young by the world's standards, so it's good to see people taking a stand to define what an American is and that we have laws that we've agreed upon and we can unite under.
i don't mean to get all patriotic or anything, but facts are we have to learn to take care of ourselves as a country before we can go off and "save" another. a nation isn't far off from being a human: if you're not well yourself, you can't properly help anyone to get well. "remember to put the oxygen mask on yourself first then attend to others that might need help."

if individual states enforcing federal laws allow for the citizens of our country to flourish, i'm all for it. i know that there are holes in this piece of legislation from Arizona, but i believe in the nature of it. maybe instead of worrying about being PC, we can actually solve some of the problems within our nation. until then---